Oscar Smoshcar
The bad thing about the Oscars is that many of the movies often come out in Australia only after the awards show. So we, here, can’t get a full taste of who wins what and why. The best thing about the Oscars is Billy Crystal. This year, I won’t really care much, but for two exceptions.
1. Johnny Depp MUST win best actor: He won’t of course, cos the film’s too light and his role too purely comical, but he damn well should! Firstly, he made Pirates of the Caribbean as good as it was (although Geoffrey Rush should have gotten a nomination for best supporting actor). Otherwise, it was just another whimsical adventure movie. Secondly, he should be recognised for all his other acting achievements. The man’s a genius! He has amazing screen presence. Maybe it’s just that he hasn’t been in enough ‘Oscar-winning-type’ films, but he’s gotta be recognised. I don’t think I could name five actors who can be in the same film and be able to steal the audience’s attention from him.
2. Peter Jackson HAS TO win best director: So maybe Return of the King wasn’t the best of the three LOTR movies. But, again, he deserves to be recognised. If not for one film, then for all three! I mean, LOTR is the biggest motion picture achievement since the original Star Wars. Let’s see… 20 years from now, how many people would still remember Lost in Translation or Mystic River? And how many people would still remember LOTR?
OK, so those are biased choices, as in, they are not necessarily based on the merits of a single film in a single year alone. But the Academy has never been lacking in politics anyway. I mean, is anyone really naïve enough to believe that having Whoopi Goldberg host, Denzel Washington win best actor, Halle Berry win best actress and Sidney Poitier win a lifetime achievement award all in one year was just a coincidence? Especially in light of the fact that only one black actor (Poitier) had won a best actor award previously in the whole history of the award!
To finish off, I was gonna list my all-time favourite movies but that was too hard. So instead, I’m gonna name my Top 5 favourite performances of all time. Er… OK. Here they are, in no particular order. Excuse the gender bias. But I just can’t think of any female performances that are as memorable.
John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons
Geoffrey Rush in Quills
Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean or Sleepy Hollow
Christian Bale in American Psycho
Chow Yun Fat in All About Ah Long or The Killer (You know I had to put him in)
Friday, February 27, 2004
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
It feels like sighing
I must have been more stressed than I realised. That much is a bit distressing. I know that I am probably blowing all this out of proportion and I know that she's probably blown this out of proportion. She tends to do that. And be two hours late. But still. It's all true. One more thing. Said with a smile. Always.
I can picture her.
'You're about to die.'
Said with a smile. As always.
Not that that happened to me, mind you.
Every effort has been taken to make sure that your consultation time is as close to the appointed time as possible. However, we place the utmost importance in proper and responsible medical practice. So please be patient.
I sure hope that last bit isn't a pun.
Cos I'm not laughing.
I'm listening for the bell. They may or may not really be done but she rings the bell and the next one comes in.
Every effort has been...
Another new disease.
Smiling
It's minor. Nothing to worry about.
Smiling
But here are some pictures of the bad ones. This could happen to you.
Smiling
Oh yeah. By the way, there's no cure.
- Thanks.
It may not be much. But with each new disease you collect, it's one more step away from normality. However overrated normality may be.
And I tend to look for implications. And the implications are... I have to change. Little by little.
Baby steps.
Let's begin with my yearly abstinence from dead animal consumption.
And then we'll see how it goes.
Baby steps.
Here we go.
I must have been more stressed than I realised. That much is a bit distressing. I know that I am probably blowing all this out of proportion and I know that she's probably blown this out of proportion. She tends to do that. And be two hours late. But still. It's all true. One more thing. Said with a smile. Always.
I can picture her.
'You're about to die.'
Said with a smile. As always.
Not that that happened to me, mind you.
Every effort has been taken to make sure that your consultation time is as close to the appointed time as possible. However, we place the utmost importance in proper and responsible medical practice. So please be patient.
I sure hope that last bit isn't a pun.
Cos I'm not laughing.
I'm listening for the bell. They may or may not really be done but she rings the bell and the next one comes in.
Every effort has been...
Another new disease.
Smiling
It's minor. Nothing to worry about.
Smiling
But here are some pictures of the bad ones. This could happen to you.
Smiling
Oh yeah. By the way, there's no cure.
- Thanks.
It may not be much. But with each new disease you collect, it's one more step away from normality. However overrated normality may be.
And I tend to look for implications. And the implications are... I have to change. Little by little.
Baby steps.
Let's begin with my yearly abstinence from dead animal consumption.
And then we'll see how it goes.
Baby steps.
Here we go.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
Postcards from Wonderworld
Greetings from Fox
I went to that $4 million sale at the Royal Hall of Industries, next to fox studios at 10pm on the last day with my mum and sister. Maybe we should have gone earlier. I don’t know. But the stuff they had there was shite. There were lots of shoes made by Dunlop to look like shoes made by Converse or Colorado. Lots of King Gee and other Lowes leftovers. If I was a construction worker or a handyman, I’d be in heaven. Except I wouldn’t have been able to fit into these clothes anyway. Sizes were mostly too small or too big. I must be a very common size. I ended up buying a towel, an eski bag and lots of pairs of underpants. The only ones I could find in my size were these $1 ones in lots of assorted colours. Or $3 for better quality Rio ones, but with less colours to choose from. I thought I’d splurge and go for the Rio brand. But then I thought to myself ‘Do I really need or want seven pairs of bright purple undies?’
Greetings from my desk
I know now that you read this. And I am happy to know that you read this. Really I am. No sarcasm involved. And I would love to say that from now I no longer care if anyone else reads this. But the fact is, I’m just too vain to say something like that. Well, you have been reading. So I guess you would have already known that.
Greetings from Cupid’s Corner
Valentine’s day without your Valentine can still be a fun and enjoyable night for all. You just have to make sure you pick the right dodgy Chinese eating establishment and wait half an hour for a table you’ve already booked for. Then overstuff yourself with crabs, quails and beef strips sizzling in the Mongolian style. And make sure you have a great group of friends to enjoy the food with, chat with and make food jokes about random fat people passing by the street. After that you should take that same crowd to a singing house and satisfy your Idol cravings by singing both male and female parts to S Club 7’s Don’t stop movin’. Finally, finish the night off by standing around on the sidewalk eating meat pies with mash and peas, or mouth-watering spicy hot dogs. Thank you for a fun night guys. From my bottom of my heart.
Greetings from the dashboard
‘I’ve got a car. I’ve got a big black shiny car.’
If Shannon Noll can pull off crappy lyrics like that, then he’s worth listening to. Not that there’s anything wrong with Guy. But Guy’s just so blah. He’s what this new RnB-craving pop scene wants but already has too much of. Shannon’s different. He’s a throwback. He’s what’s been missing for over a decade in the Australian charts. Obviously this album is a bit of a rush job, but good luck to him. From the other side of the world though, I’ve just recently discovered the joys of Robert Randolph and the Family Band. Not only is the music a glorious blend of funk, gospel, soul and rock, but the guy plays a pedal steel guitar. Have you seen one of those?! How cool is that?! Um… it’s very cool.
Greetings from Marrickville
I am fascinated by Adam. Adam keeps on knocking on the doors of Eden. But every time he goes in, he works out a new way to come back out. He prefers to be at the doors with one foot in. The ambiguity keeps him alive. Perhaps a punishment worse than banishment is to be allowed into Eden only to find that you do not wish to be there.
Greeting from the TV bean bag
I’ve been here, in Wonderworld, for a while now. But damn, I still feel like a tourist here. I guess, though, that’s the beauty of it. Wish you were here to enjoy the view. With Winnie the Pooh. And me.
Greetings from Fox
I went to that $4 million sale at the Royal Hall of Industries, next to fox studios at 10pm on the last day with my mum and sister. Maybe we should have gone earlier. I don’t know. But the stuff they had there was shite. There were lots of shoes made by Dunlop to look like shoes made by Converse or Colorado. Lots of King Gee and other Lowes leftovers. If I was a construction worker or a handyman, I’d be in heaven. Except I wouldn’t have been able to fit into these clothes anyway. Sizes were mostly too small or too big. I must be a very common size. I ended up buying a towel, an eski bag and lots of pairs of underpants. The only ones I could find in my size were these $1 ones in lots of assorted colours. Or $3 for better quality Rio ones, but with less colours to choose from. I thought I’d splurge and go for the Rio brand. But then I thought to myself ‘Do I really need or want seven pairs of bright purple undies?’
Greetings from my desk
I know now that you read this. And I am happy to know that you read this. Really I am. No sarcasm involved. And I would love to say that from now I no longer care if anyone else reads this. But the fact is, I’m just too vain to say something like that. Well, you have been reading. So I guess you would have already known that.
Greetings from Cupid’s Corner
Valentine’s day without your Valentine can still be a fun and enjoyable night for all. You just have to make sure you pick the right dodgy Chinese eating establishment and wait half an hour for a table you’ve already booked for. Then overstuff yourself with crabs, quails and beef strips sizzling in the Mongolian style. And make sure you have a great group of friends to enjoy the food with, chat with and make food jokes about random fat people passing by the street. After that you should take that same crowd to a singing house and satisfy your Idol cravings by singing both male and female parts to S Club 7’s Don’t stop movin’. Finally, finish the night off by standing around on the sidewalk eating meat pies with mash and peas, or mouth-watering spicy hot dogs. Thank you for a fun night guys. From my bottom of my heart.
Greetings from the dashboard
‘I’ve got a car. I’ve got a big black shiny car.’
If Shannon Noll can pull off crappy lyrics like that, then he’s worth listening to. Not that there’s anything wrong with Guy. But Guy’s just so blah. He’s what this new RnB-craving pop scene wants but already has too much of. Shannon’s different. He’s a throwback. He’s what’s been missing for over a decade in the Australian charts. Obviously this album is a bit of a rush job, but good luck to him. From the other side of the world though, I’ve just recently discovered the joys of Robert Randolph and the Family Band. Not only is the music a glorious blend of funk, gospel, soul and rock, but the guy plays a pedal steel guitar. Have you seen one of those?! How cool is that?! Um… it’s very cool.
Greetings from Marrickville
I am fascinated by Adam. Adam keeps on knocking on the doors of Eden. But every time he goes in, he works out a new way to come back out. He prefers to be at the doors with one foot in. The ambiguity keeps him alive. Perhaps a punishment worse than banishment is to be allowed into Eden only to find that you do not wish to be there.
Greeting from the TV bean bag
I’ve been here, in Wonderworld, for a while now. But damn, I still feel like a tourist here. I guess, though, that’s the beauty of it. Wish you were here to enjoy the view. With Winnie the Pooh. And me.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
'I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine'
I haven’t been to a cinema to see a movie since Return of the King. I had to see that one. Before that, the last one was probably 28 Days Later or Pirates of the Caribbean.
I just don’t really feel like it. I don’t know why. So I’ve been saying no to my friend’s offers to see movies for months. And I don’t really know why.
But I do wanna see Big Fish and I will see Big Fish when I get the chance. For now here are a few films that I’ve seen on TV or DVD over the past couple of months or so.
__________
Tale of two sisters (2003)
Director: Kim Jee-woon
Starring: Im Su-jeong, Moon Geun-young, Yeom Jung-ah, Kim Gap-soo
Genre: Horror
Like Japan’s Ringu, apparently this film will be remade Hollywood-style in the next year or so.
It’s about two sisters who have just been released from a mental institution to go home to their father and his new wife. But things at home aren’t the same as when they left it.
This film has everything. Ghosts, a bloody body bag (in an obvious nod to Japan’s Audition – reviewed below), child abuse and the Electra complex.
To say much more would be giving too much away. The story is complex and has a twist at the end that doesn’t turn the movie 180 degrees but rather allows you to see everything in a different light. It’s more surreal and tense than frightening, and has enough insight into the human psyche to also be sad.
To say that I recommend this is an understatement. If you like horror or psychological thrillers, you have to see this. You might have to watch it twice though.
Best comparison: Mulholland Drive
Rating: ****1/2
__________
May (2003)
Director: Lucky McKee
Starring: Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto, Anna Faris
Genre: Horror
I won’t be denying the fact that is basically a teen slasher film trying to be art house. Except that it is seen from the slasher rather than the soon-to-be-slashed.
May has had to live with having a lazy eye and being picked on ever since she was a kid and even with her eye being corrected as an adult, she’s still very much a socially maladjusted individual.
After getting her heart broken by a guy she thinks to be perfect, she decides to pick out the best parts of other people and make her own friend.
I liked this. It felt B-grade but it has enough heart to leave an impression. It’s slow but you keep watching because you know she’s gonna explode sooner or later. The character is depraved but yet you can feel for her.
Best comparison: American Psycho, Carrie
Rating: ***
__________
Audition (2001)
Director: Takashi Miike
Starring: Ryo Ishibashi, Eihi Shiina, Jun Kunimura
Genre: Horror
Three lessons for us guys:
1. If a gorgeous girl who seems too good to be true falls in love with you too easily, then she’s probably psychotic so be prepared to have her render you immobile and torture you (and no, not in a good kinky way).
2. Be extra careful if you meet the girl in lesson 1 by staging a fake audition for a movie that doesn’t exist to find a wife.
3. Be extra extra careful if you’re a middle-aged man staging the event in Lesson 2 and finding the girl in Lesson 1.
This is possibly the most disturbing movie I have ever seen. And it’s not just the visual violence. Though watching her work with needles and piano wires while maintaining that same demure submissive Asian girl demeanour frightened the bejesus out of me! It’s just the ideas. This is pretty much most guys’ worst nightmare brought to screen. A lot of the latter half of the film doesn’t make sense but it doesn’t matter. It’s bloody scary!
Best comparison: Fatal attraction maybe, but not really
Rating: ***1/2
__________
Unbreakable (2000)
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright Penn
Genre: Thriller
Oh this is just shite. It feels personally insulting to me when the comics medium is misconstrued to become this piece of crap. The whole movie was never tense or thrilling or anything really. It was basically a stupid idea stretched to two hours. I really liked Sixth Sense but this was terrible.
Best comparison: Well I can’t think of one. But there’s probably a reason why a movie like it has never been made before.
Rating: *
__________
Punch Drunk Love (2002)
Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Starring: Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman
Genre: Romantic comedy
Adam Sandler stars in a very non-Adam-Sandler film as Barry Egan, who owns his own business selling novelty plungers, gets harassed constantly by his seven sisters (they call him ‘gayboy’ during family gatherings) and finds true love for the first time.
This is the best movie I’ve seen in a long time. It plays like a critique of normal Adam Sandler films. Sandler seems to be playing his normal nice-but-can-erupt-into-fits-of-anger-or-depression character except the context has been completely changed. No longer are his fits particularly funny. They become tragic. Any laughter becomes uncomfortable because we feel for him and we are rooting for him. It’s funny the way American Beauty was funny. Not the way The Wedding Singer was.
I’ve always thought that Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia) was a director that had good ideas but just tried way too hard to dazzle. But with Punch Drunk Love, he’s hit the right balance. It’s quirky but it’s also done with intelligence, style, and a wink and a smile.
Comparison: Secretary (in tone but not content)
Rating: *****
I haven’t been to a cinema to see a movie since Return of the King. I had to see that one. Before that, the last one was probably 28 Days Later or Pirates of the Caribbean.
I just don’t really feel like it. I don’t know why. So I’ve been saying no to my friend’s offers to see movies for months. And I don’t really know why.
But I do wanna see Big Fish and I will see Big Fish when I get the chance. For now here are a few films that I’ve seen on TV or DVD over the past couple of months or so.
__________
Tale of two sisters (2003)
Director: Kim Jee-woon
Starring: Im Su-jeong, Moon Geun-young, Yeom Jung-ah, Kim Gap-soo
Genre: Horror
Like Japan’s Ringu, apparently this film will be remade Hollywood-style in the next year or so.
It’s about two sisters who have just been released from a mental institution to go home to their father and his new wife. But things at home aren’t the same as when they left it.
This film has everything. Ghosts, a bloody body bag (in an obvious nod to Japan’s Audition – reviewed below), child abuse and the Electra complex.
To say much more would be giving too much away. The story is complex and has a twist at the end that doesn’t turn the movie 180 degrees but rather allows you to see everything in a different light. It’s more surreal and tense than frightening, and has enough insight into the human psyche to also be sad.
To say that I recommend this is an understatement. If you like horror or psychological thrillers, you have to see this. You might have to watch it twice though.
Best comparison: Mulholland Drive
Rating: ****1/2
__________
May (2003)
Director: Lucky McKee
Starring: Angela Bettis, Jeremy Sisto, Anna Faris
Genre: Horror
I won’t be denying the fact that is basically a teen slasher film trying to be art house. Except that it is seen from the slasher rather than the soon-to-be-slashed.
May has had to live with having a lazy eye and being picked on ever since she was a kid and even with her eye being corrected as an adult, she’s still very much a socially maladjusted individual.
After getting her heart broken by a guy she thinks to be perfect, she decides to pick out the best parts of other people and make her own friend.
I liked this. It felt B-grade but it has enough heart to leave an impression. It’s slow but you keep watching because you know she’s gonna explode sooner or later. The character is depraved but yet you can feel for her.
Best comparison: American Psycho, Carrie
Rating: ***
__________
Audition (2001)
Director: Takashi Miike
Starring: Ryo Ishibashi, Eihi Shiina, Jun Kunimura
Genre: Horror
Three lessons for us guys:
1. If a gorgeous girl who seems too good to be true falls in love with you too easily, then she’s probably psychotic so be prepared to have her render you immobile and torture you (and no, not in a good kinky way).
2. Be extra careful if you meet the girl in lesson 1 by staging a fake audition for a movie that doesn’t exist to find a wife.
3. Be extra extra careful if you’re a middle-aged man staging the event in Lesson 2 and finding the girl in Lesson 1.
This is possibly the most disturbing movie I have ever seen. And it’s not just the visual violence. Though watching her work with needles and piano wires while maintaining that same demure submissive Asian girl demeanour frightened the bejesus out of me! It’s just the ideas. This is pretty much most guys’ worst nightmare brought to screen. A lot of the latter half of the film doesn’t make sense but it doesn’t matter. It’s bloody scary!
Best comparison: Fatal attraction maybe, but not really
Rating: ***1/2
__________
Unbreakable (2000)
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, Robin Wright Penn
Genre: Thriller
Oh this is just shite. It feels personally insulting to me when the comics medium is misconstrued to become this piece of crap. The whole movie was never tense or thrilling or anything really. It was basically a stupid idea stretched to two hours. I really liked Sixth Sense but this was terrible.
Best comparison: Well I can’t think of one. But there’s probably a reason why a movie like it has never been made before.
Rating: *
__________
Punch Drunk Love (2002)
Director: Paul Thomas Anderson
Starring: Adam Sandler, Emily Watson, Philip Seymour Hoffman
Genre: Romantic comedy
Adam Sandler stars in a very non-Adam-Sandler film as Barry Egan, who owns his own business selling novelty plungers, gets harassed constantly by his seven sisters (they call him ‘gayboy’ during family gatherings) and finds true love for the first time.
This is the best movie I’ve seen in a long time. It plays like a critique of normal Adam Sandler films. Sandler seems to be playing his normal nice-but-can-erupt-into-fits-of-anger-or-depression character except the context has been completely changed. No longer are his fits particularly funny. They become tragic. Any laughter becomes uncomfortable because we feel for him and we are rooting for him. It’s funny the way American Beauty was funny. Not the way The Wedding Singer was.
I’ve always thought that Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, Magnolia) was a director that had good ideas but just tried way too hard to dazzle. But with Punch Drunk Love, he’s hit the right balance. It’s quirky but it’s also done with intelligence, style, and a wink and a smile.
Comparison: Secretary (in tone but not content)
Rating: *****
Thursday, February 05, 2004
Sick old bastard
I’ve always held that during times of sickness and pain, you feel the most alive. And in the past week, I have felt more alive than I have been in a very long time!
I’ve been sick. I haven’t been bed-ridden sick, but sick enough to be whinging about being sick. Sick enough to be sleeping for twelve hours straight, something I haven’t done for, maybe, ten years.
My throat has been all sore and phlegmy and non-karaoke-able. My nose is like a horn’o’plenty of snot. In the mornings, after a night of not blowing my nose, it all comes out in big yellow gelatinous chunks. Also, there’s this dizziness that’s just appeared over the last 24 hours.
On top of these flu-like symptoms, I’ve had a couple of ulcers growing in my mouth. One under my tongue and another on my lower lip. These have restricted my normally exciting culinary habits and the one under the tongue has even prevented me from sleeping on my left side. Otherwise I would wake up with a very sore left jaw. I don’t like to sleep on my right side. It faces the wall.
I haven’t been to the doctor. To be honest I just don’t feel like seeing her. Maybe it’s time I start going to a new doctor. But I have been using nature’s miracle cure, Swedish bitters! This thing supposedly cures EVEYTHING! And it’s working, I think. The pain from the ulcers are numbed and my throat feels less sore, right after I gargle this time-honoured herbal tonic. It could be that this thing actually is a miracle cure.
Or it could just be that it contains a high percentage of alcohol, which would explain the numbing effect.
I’ve always held that during times of sickness and pain, you feel the most alive. And in the past week, I have felt more alive than I have been in a very long time!
I’ve been sick. I haven’t been bed-ridden sick, but sick enough to be whinging about being sick. Sick enough to be sleeping for twelve hours straight, something I haven’t done for, maybe, ten years.
My throat has been all sore and phlegmy and non-karaoke-able. My nose is like a horn’o’plenty of snot. In the mornings, after a night of not blowing my nose, it all comes out in big yellow gelatinous chunks. Also, there’s this dizziness that’s just appeared over the last 24 hours.
On top of these flu-like symptoms, I’ve had a couple of ulcers growing in my mouth. One under my tongue and another on my lower lip. These have restricted my normally exciting culinary habits and the one under the tongue has even prevented me from sleeping on my left side. Otherwise I would wake up with a very sore left jaw. I don’t like to sleep on my right side. It faces the wall.
I haven’t been to the doctor. To be honest I just don’t feel like seeing her. Maybe it’s time I start going to a new doctor. But I have been using nature’s miracle cure, Swedish bitters! This thing supposedly cures EVEYTHING! And it’s working, I think. The pain from the ulcers are numbed and my throat feels less sore, right after I gargle this time-honoured herbal tonic. It could be that this thing actually is a miracle cure.
Or it could just be that it contains a high percentage of alcohol, which would explain the numbing effect.
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