I have a mantra.
When things get bad or boring or complicated or I just want to avoid life, I say two words:
OTM SHANK
and I start laughing uncontrollably and the world becomes just that much nicer.
I even start laughing out of nowhere on trains or other public places. It's ridiculous. You may need to watch a particular Simpsons episode to appreciate it though. I was gonna explain but then I started with 'Well they were in the cinema and then Lisa saw...' um... it just wasnt gonna work. Had to be there.
OTM SHANK
Hehe :)
Monday, November 17, 2003
Thursday, November 13, 2003
This has been edited. Now it's back to the original.
I’m not bitter (The monkey song)
It must have started in 99
Or some such year I no longer remember
Guess I crossed that invisible line
On a stupid day in that December
Not over it or behind
When I came too close you pushed me away
You had me in such a bind
Cos you’d also never let me stray
That’s all I have to say now
I’ve left. I’ve taken my bow
Well I hear you’ve got your monkey
So I hope you’re happy now
Cats and dogs to me are fine
But you don’t like them to walk on four
When you smiled the sun would shine
All other days it would just pour
That’s all I have to say now
I’ve left, you stupid cow
So you’ve got your friggin’ monkey
Well you better be happy now
So I’m walking, so I’m singing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
I’m not bitter, I’ve just been drinking
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
It’s a monkey, what are you thinking?
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
And you’re a… damn, what was I thinking?!
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
I’m not bitter (The monkey song)
It must have started in 99
Or some such year I no longer remember
Guess I crossed that invisible line
On a stupid day in that December
Not over it or behind
When I came too close you pushed me away
You had me in such a bind
Cos you’d also never let me stray
That’s all I have to say now
I’ve left. I’ve taken my bow
Well I hear you’ve got your monkey
So I hope you’re happy now
Cats and dogs to me are fine
But you don’t like them to walk on four
When you smiled the sun would shine
All other days it would just pour
That’s all I have to say now
I’ve left, you stupid cow
So you’ve got your friggin’ monkey
Well you better be happy now
So I’m walking, so I’m singing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
I’m not bitter, I’ve just been drinking
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
It’s a monkey, what are you thinking?
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
And you’re a… damn, what was I thinking?!
Sha la la la la la la la la la la
Monday, November 10, 2003
Dancing Tiger Hidden Party
Now that was cool. Not that it was actually my birthday. Yet. But close enough. It sure felt like it was my birthday.
Thanks to:
Stephen and Lillian. Everyone who came. Everyone who couldn't come and told me that they couldn't. All the guys who came early. Even earlier than I did. Everyone who stayed til the end. My family who came. DJs Pulsar, Nud-e and the other guy. You were good. I just couldn't hear your name over all the noise. Everyone who got me drinks. Everyone who got me presents. The two fools who hung around with me til 6:30am. Everyone who came not knowing many people or someone OTHER THAN me. Thanks for your effort. It's appreciated. Really. It is.
Apologies to:
Anyone who couldn't get in. We grossly miscalculated numbers. But please next time call us if they don't let you in. Some did and they eventually got in so there! Everyone who I haven't seen for a while (or eons) but I couldn't spare much time catching up with. We'll catch up another time. Soon.
Dubious acknowledgements to:
Everyone who kept making 'Time out' signs at me all night.
Did I mention it was cool? Well it was. Cool. We'll do another one maybe. Bigger place maybe. Did I mention it was... oh yeah. I did.
Now that was cool. Not that it was actually my birthday. Yet. But close enough. It sure felt like it was my birthday.
Thanks to:
Stephen and Lillian. Everyone who came. Everyone who couldn't come and told me that they couldn't. All the guys who came early. Even earlier than I did. Everyone who stayed til the end. My family who came. DJs Pulsar, Nud-e and the other guy. You were good. I just couldn't hear your name over all the noise. Everyone who got me drinks. Everyone who got me presents. The two fools who hung around with me til 6:30am. Everyone who came not knowing many people or someone OTHER THAN me. Thanks for your effort. It's appreciated. Really. It is.
Apologies to:
Anyone who couldn't get in. We grossly miscalculated numbers. But please next time call us if they don't let you in. Some did and they eventually got in so there! Everyone who I haven't seen for a while (or eons) but I couldn't spare much time catching up with. We'll catch up another time. Soon.
Dubious acknowledgements to:
Everyone who kept making 'Time out' signs at me all night.
Did I mention it was cool? Well it was. Cool. We'll do another one maybe. Bigger place maybe. Did I mention it was... oh yeah. I did.
Friday, November 07, 2003
I wanted to post a comment on Riss' blog but it failed twice so I've given up. However, I just looked up the ten commandments on the net and apparently the Catholic version is different from the Protestant version. Though basically the same, the Protestants have an extra commandment against the worshipping of idols while clumping 'wife', 'ox' and 'ass' in the one group of your neighbour's possessions that you may not covet. The Catholics give coveting the wife its own commandment. Both however have 'Keep holy the Sabbath'
They should have an extra one saying 'Though shalt not think of fish as not being meat.'
All this is rather a non issue though, since Jesus has since come in with his own two easier-to-remember commandments (the NEW covenant) that has effectively rendered the old ten obselete.
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind, and love your neighbour as yourself.'
They should have an extra one saying 'Though shalt not think of fish as not being meat.'
All this is rather a non issue though, since Jesus has since come in with his own two easier-to-remember commandments (the NEW covenant) that has effectively rendered the old ten obselete.
'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind, and love your neighbour as yourself.'
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Here's my proposal for a new fast-food restaurant chain. I may post more on it in the future.
CHRISTIAN'S HOUSE OF GOAT (CHG)
‘So good, you’ll be lickin’ your chinny chin chin!’
Menu
Burgers
Big Bad Billy: Three flame-grilled all-goat patties, special goat’s milk herb mayonnaise, lettuce, goat’s cheese, pickles, onion, on a sesame seed bun.
Quarter-pound goat feast: Quarter-pound flame-grilled all-goat patty, ketchup, lettuce, goat’s cheese, tomato, beetroot, onions.
Goat’s cheese burger: Flame-grilled all-goat patty, goat’s cheese, onions, pickles, ketchup.
The Devil: Fillet of goat cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices coating, special spicy chilli sauce, lettuce, goat’s cheese.
Others
Goat pieces: Goat chops cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices - per piece or in packs of 6, 12 or bucket of 30.
Goat nuggets: Bite-sized goat fillets cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices – 5-pack, 11-pack, 19-pack, 60-monster pack.
Horny fries: Horn-shaped potato fries with spicy seasoning.
Meal deals
Burger meals: Any burger, Horny fries, soft drink.
2-pack’a’goat meal: Two pieces of goat, Horny fries, soft drink.
Death by Goat: Big Bad Billy, 2 pieces of goat, 6-pack goat nuggets, Horny fries, Goat shake.
Beverages
Soft drinks: Coke, Fanta, Dr Pepper, Sprite, Creaming soda
Goat shake: Goat’s milk shakes – Chocolate, Vanilla, Avocado, Pineapple
Freezing Goat: Goat’s milk sundaes – Chocolate, Cherry, Caramel
CHRISTIAN'S HOUSE OF GOAT (CHG)
‘So good, you’ll be lickin’ your chinny chin chin!’
Menu
Burgers
Big Bad Billy: Three flame-grilled all-goat patties, special goat’s milk herb mayonnaise, lettuce, goat’s cheese, pickles, onion, on a sesame seed bun.
Quarter-pound goat feast: Quarter-pound flame-grilled all-goat patty, ketchup, lettuce, goat’s cheese, tomato, beetroot, onions.
Goat’s cheese burger: Flame-grilled all-goat patty, goat’s cheese, onions, pickles, ketchup.
The Devil: Fillet of goat cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices coating, special spicy chilli sauce, lettuce, goat’s cheese.
Others
Goat pieces: Goat chops cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices - per piece or in packs of 6, 12 or bucket of 30.
Goat nuggets: Bite-sized goat fillets cooked with Christian’s 13 secret herbs and spices – 5-pack, 11-pack, 19-pack, 60-monster pack.
Horny fries: Horn-shaped potato fries with spicy seasoning.
Meal deals
Burger meals: Any burger, Horny fries, soft drink.
2-pack’a’goat meal: Two pieces of goat, Horny fries, soft drink.
Death by Goat: Big Bad Billy, 2 pieces of goat, 6-pack goat nuggets, Horny fries, Goat shake.
Beverages
Soft drinks: Coke, Fanta, Dr Pepper, Sprite, Creaming soda
Goat shake: Goat’s milk shakes – Chocolate, Vanilla, Avocado, Pineapple
Freezing Goat: Goat’s milk sundaes – Chocolate, Cherry, Caramel
Thursday, October 30, 2003
Jakarta
Picture me on the dance floor wearing a pure wool suit. Outside, it’s 31 degrees. I’m dancing to ‘Can’t take my eyes off you’ with this girl who I thought was my age but turns out to be 30. Behind me I have my mother, grandmother and some assorted uncles and aunties watching my back. It’s hot, a little awkward and slightly uncomfortable. But I’m feeling strangely fine and I’m having a good time.
This pretty much sums up my trip to Indonesia.
Jakarta is a craphole of a city and besides the food, truth be told, I didn’t really want to go back.
It took us over two hours to get to the hotel from the airport. A ride that shouldn’t ever take more than 45 minutes. We go through four tollways along the way.
Jakarta is about the only city I’ve heard of that has five cars driving abreast on a three-lane road and every driveway you come in and out of has some ‘parking officer’ asking for money. The traffic along the freeways are so slow that there are kids walking between the cars and bikes and bajajs, selling cigarettes and deep-fried tofu. Or tofu and deep-fried cigarettes. I can’t remember which. The streets are so filthy and poverty-stricken that you might actually hear someone say ‘Let’s go inside for some fresh air’ or some Indonesian equivalent.
But let’s face it, I don’t live any of this. None of my family do. We look out into the filth from windows of air-conditioned buildings. We’re driven from these air-conditioned buildings to other air-conditioned buildings in air-conditioned cars by paid drivers. We have maids. What accentuates the poverty in this place is the fact that my usually working class Australian arse gets a chance to be wiped with gold-gilded toilet paper for once and the feeling is rather jarring.
I went on this trip for my cousin’s wedding. I went mostly because I wanted to see some of these people again that haven’t seen me since before I reached puberty. I wanted to experience a big-arse 1100-guest Indonesian wedding at Jakarta’s Grand Hyatt while hopefully dodging any potential bombings that may come.
The wedding was nice and fun. But so was the city itself. So was trying to speak the best Indonesian I knew how (and not the mish mash baby babble I speak at home). I basked myself in the overpriced luxuries that Jakarta offers to its high and mighty. I was amused that everywhere I went, there was at least a 3:1 employee to customer ratio.
Jakarta is the epitome of inefficiency. At this one food court, you first have to buy coupons, then take the coupons to get your food. You then get your change back in coupon form which you have to convert back to money at the coupon counter. To add to that, there are four people manning each coupon counter while each counter can only serve one customer at a time. So I guess that’s one person to make the transaction, one to collate the money and a third to stamp the coupons with the current date. The Fourth, I suppose, is the designated nose-picker. Or the one that shrugs whenever you ask them a question and the other three are too busy to respond. They must do a rotation.
After lunch, when you decide to go shopping, you’ll be followed around the stores by someone holding three or four options of what you might like to buy. When you finally find a shirt you like on the rack (which is probably NOT one of the three or four options presented to you) you’ll ask where the change room is, only to be directed to someone else who’ll know where whoever it is that’s manning the change rooms is. After you decide to buy it, someone will take the shirt off you and direct you to a counter where you will pay for the item. You will then be given a coupon which you will take to another counter where you can pick up the goods.
What’s not to love about that?
I suppose a third-world country of 200 million people has to provide jobs to its citizens somehow.
Places I liked
Pondok Laguna: One of the best restaurants I’ve ever been to. Mostly seafood and other assorted Indonesian dishes. If they opened one here, they’d make an absolute killing.
Blowfish: A trendy bar/nightspot with the best views you can get in Jakarta.
Kelapa Gading: There’s a huge mall there with many stores yet to open. Also has an eat street much like Singapore’s Clarke Quay and Boat Quay, except it’s facing a sewer pipe instead of open water. It’s still nice though.
__________
Singapore
Nothing much to report here. Always nice. The highlight, I suppose, was going clubbing and then finishing off the night with grilled sting ray and satays at Newton’s Hawker’s Centre at around 3am.
Places I liked
Zouk: Their world-famous nightclub.
Newton Hawker’s Centre: Went there twice. Fresh seafood cooked right in front of you. Plus other stuff. You should see the size of these tiger prawns!
Picture me on the dance floor wearing a pure wool suit. Outside, it’s 31 degrees. I’m dancing to ‘Can’t take my eyes off you’ with this girl who I thought was my age but turns out to be 30. Behind me I have my mother, grandmother and some assorted uncles and aunties watching my back. It’s hot, a little awkward and slightly uncomfortable. But I’m feeling strangely fine and I’m having a good time.
This pretty much sums up my trip to Indonesia.
Jakarta is a craphole of a city and besides the food, truth be told, I didn’t really want to go back.
It took us over two hours to get to the hotel from the airport. A ride that shouldn’t ever take more than 45 minutes. We go through four tollways along the way.
Jakarta is about the only city I’ve heard of that has five cars driving abreast on a three-lane road and every driveway you come in and out of has some ‘parking officer’ asking for money. The traffic along the freeways are so slow that there are kids walking between the cars and bikes and bajajs, selling cigarettes and deep-fried tofu. Or tofu and deep-fried cigarettes. I can’t remember which. The streets are so filthy and poverty-stricken that you might actually hear someone say ‘Let’s go inside for some fresh air’ or some Indonesian equivalent.
But let’s face it, I don’t live any of this. None of my family do. We look out into the filth from windows of air-conditioned buildings. We’re driven from these air-conditioned buildings to other air-conditioned buildings in air-conditioned cars by paid drivers. We have maids. What accentuates the poverty in this place is the fact that my usually working class Australian arse gets a chance to be wiped with gold-gilded toilet paper for once and the feeling is rather jarring.
I went on this trip for my cousin’s wedding. I went mostly because I wanted to see some of these people again that haven’t seen me since before I reached puberty. I wanted to experience a big-arse 1100-guest Indonesian wedding at Jakarta’s Grand Hyatt while hopefully dodging any potential bombings that may come.
The wedding was nice and fun. But so was the city itself. So was trying to speak the best Indonesian I knew how (and not the mish mash baby babble I speak at home). I basked myself in the overpriced luxuries that Jakarta offers to its high and mighty. I was amused that everywhere I went, there was at least a 3:1 employee to customer ratio.
Jakarta is the epitome of inefficiency. At this one food court, you first have to buy coupons, then take the coupons to get your food. You then get your change back in coupon form which you have to convert back to money at the coupon counter. To add to that, there are four people manning each coupon counter while each counter can only serve one customer at a time. So I guess that’s one person to make the transaction, one to collate the money and a third to stamp the coupons with the current date. The Fourth, I suppose, is the designated nose-picker. Or the one that shrugs whenever you ask them a question and the other three are too busy to respond. They must do a rotation.
After lunch, when you decide to go shopping, you’ll be followed around the stores by someone holding three or four options of what you might like to buy. When you finally find a shirt you like on the rack (which is probably NOT one of the three or four options presented to you) you’ll ask where the change room is, only to be directed to someone else who’ll know where whoever it is that’s manning the change rooms is. After you decide to buy it, someone will take the shirt off you and direct you to a counter where you will pay for the item. You will then be given a coupon which you will take to another counter where you can pick up the goods.
What’s not to love about that?
I suppose a third-world country of 200 million people has to provide jobs to its citizens somehow.
Places I liked
Pondok Laguna: One of the best restaurants I’ve ever been to. Mostly seafood and other assorted Indonesian dishes. If they opened one here, they’d make an absolute killing.
Blowfish: A trendy bar/nightspot with the best views you can get in Jakarta.
Kelapa Gading: There’s a huge mall there with many stores yet to open. Also has an eat street much like Singapore’s Clarke Quay and Boat Quay, except it’s facing a sewer pipe instead of open water. It’s still nice though.
__________
Singapore
Nothing much to report here. Always nice. The highlight, I suppose, was going clubbing and then finishing off the night with grilled sting ray and satays at Newton’s Hawker’s Centre at around 3am.
Places I liked
Zouk: Their world-famous nightclub.
Newton Hawker’s Centre: Went there twice. Fresh seafood cooked right in front of you. Plus other stuff. You should see the size of these tiger prawns!
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Our empty wonderland
Hung up the telephone
Said our goodbye
Fall back to sleep tonight
But with eyes open you lie
Showed you a new mountain
Took away your hope
Gave you a new burden
Then let go of the rope
I know you don’t know the score
I know you’ve never been here before
Just work up a smile
Empty your mind
Don’t try to fight
Tomorrow will be bright
Just close your eyes
Take hold of my hand
Turn down the light
By dawn, we’ll be alright
Turn off the taps
Reverse the blood’s flow
Wear your new glasses
It’s already tomorrow
Yawn to your troubles
It’s not overflowing
Just look to the rooster
That’s where you’ll be going
I know there are things that you’ll miss
This isn’t a lesson, it just is
Just walk down a mile
Head up in the sky
Don’t lose sight
Leave that for another night
Just close your eyes
A new world waits
Forget what might
We’re here, we’ll be alright
We’ll sing and dance
We’ll start a band
Anything has a chance
In our empty wonderland
Hung up the telephone
Said our goodbye
Fall back to sleep tonight
But with eyes open you lie
Showed you a new mountain
Took away your hope
Gave you a new burden
Then let go of the rope
I know you don’t know the score
I know you’ve never been here before
Just work up a smile
Empty your mind
Don’t try to fight
Tomorrow will be bright
Just close your eyes
Take hold of my hand
Turn down the light
By dawn, we’ll be alright
Turn off the taps
Reverse the blood’s flow
Wear your new glasses
It’s already tomorrow
Yawn to your troubles
It’s not overflowing
Just look to the rooster
That’s where you’ll be going
I know there are things that you’ll miss
This isn’t a lesson, it just is
Just walk down a mile
Head up in the sky
Don’t lose sight
Leave that for another night
Just close your eyes
A new world waits
Forget what might
We’re here, we’ll be alright
We’ll sing and dance
We’ll start a band
Anything has a chance
In our empty wonderland
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