Thursday, April 08, 2004
Friday, April 02, 2004
Feeling the same way UPDATED
I’m feeling kinda funny again. Not funny ha ha. And not funny queer either. That’s for sure! Maybe funny isn’t the right word.
I’m feeling rather stagnant since there are a lot of stuff that I think I need to do in order to have time to do the stuff that I really want to do. Although I don’t know what any of these things are. Some parts of my life are going extremely well. Other parts, not so. So the result is that I’m somewhere in limbo.
__________
You know, when you don’t have friends and nobody wants to be around you, surely you’d have to come to a point where you realise ‘Heck, maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s me!’ Surely, you’d realise that you have to change your ways…
__________
Maybe I do lack passion about everything. I kinda only go halfway and then hope someone else will finish things off. This guy I was hoping to work with told me that about my long-running-yet-to-be-produced-and-and-maybe-never-will play. He said ‘you might have to drive this project yourself’ and I said ‘the reason why I went to you in the first place is so I wouldn’t have to do that. I’m just not a producer-type’ and he says ‘the truth is, there is no such thing as a producer-type. All you need is passion, self belief etc.’
While, I suppose, he does have some sort of point, I didn’t appreciate being lectured Anthony Robbins style. And who defines what dedication and passion are anyway? Surely having written 180 pages of script required some dedication and passion, right? I’m just not good at organising stuff like that. He is. I think the only people who say things like ‘there is no such thing as a producer-type’ are probably producer-types themselves. That’s how they can say stuff like that. It comes naturally to them.
It reminds me of something totally unrelated.
Fat woman: You know what they say, ‘Big is beautiful’.
Al Bundy: Do you know who came up with that?
Fat woman: Who?
Al Bundy: Fat girls.
__________
I am obsessed at the moment with this song
She don’t want nobody near
By this band
Counting Crows
I was looking forward to hearing them perform this song live. But alas the show got cancelled and I can’t exactly blame Adam Duritz for cancelling.
As with most Counting Crows songs, I don’t really know what it’s about. But as with most Counting Crows songs, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just good music.
__________
I’m not quite obsessed with this song. But I do enjoy it a lot.
Creepin’ in
By Norah Jones and Dolly Parton.
I think Norah and Dolly should make a whole album together. That would be fantastic.
__________
I tried to get into Cunica Vera (from My Restaurant Rules) the other night. We couldn’t get in. That’s about it, really. Oh yeah, Sam is really nice. That’s about it, really.
__________
This would usually be more in the Riss school of blogging, but I couldn't resist...
http://countingcrows.com/adam/3-31-04.html
http://countingcrows.com/adam/4-01-04.html
I love Mandy Moore all over again.
I’m feeling kinda funny again. Not funny ha ha. And not funny queer either. That’s for sure! Maybe funny isn’t the right word.
I’m feeling rather stagnant since there are a lot of stuff that I think I need to do in order to have time to do the stuff that I really want to do. Although I don’t know what any of these things are. Some parts of my life are going extremely well. Other parts, not so. So the result is that I’m somewhere in limbo.
__________
You know, when you don’t have friends and nobody wants to be around you, surely you’d have to come to a point where you realise ‘Heck, maybe it’s not them. Maybe it’s me!’ Surely, you’d realise that you have to change your ways…
__________
Maybe I do lack passion about everything. I kinda only go halfway and then hope someone else will finish things off. This guy I was hoping to work with told me that about my long-running-yet-to-be-produced-and-and-maybe-never-will play. He said ‘you might have to drive this project yourself’ and I said ‘the reason why I went to you in the first place is so I wouldn’t have to do that. I’m just not a producer-type’ and he says ‘the truth is, there is no such thing as a producer-type. All you need is passion, self belief etc.’
While, I suppose, he does have some sort of point, I didn’t appreciate being lectured Anthony Robbins style. And who defines what dedication and passion are anyway? Surely having written 180 pages of script required some dedication and passion, right? I’m just not good at organising stuff like that. He is. I think the only people who say things like ‘there is no such thing as a producer-type’ are probably producer-types themselves. That’s how they can say stuff like that. It comes naturally to them.
It reminds me of something totally unrelated.
Fat woman: You know what they say, ‘Big is beautiful’.
Al Bundy: Do you know who came up with that?
Fat woman: Who?
Al Bundy: Fat girls.
__________
I am obsessed at the moment with this song
She don’t want nobody near
By this band
Counting Crows
I was looking forward to hearing them perform this song live. But alas the show got cancelled and I can’t exactly blame Adam Duritz for cancelling.
As with most Counting Crows songs, I don’t really know what it’s about. But as with most Counting Crows songs, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just good music.
__________
I’m not quite obsessed with this song. But I do enjoy it a lot.
Creepin’ in
By Norah Jones and Dolly Parton.
I think Norah and Dolly should make a whole album together. That would be fantastic.
__________
I tried to get into Cunica Vera (from My Restaurant Rules) the other night. We couldn’t get in. That’s about it, really. Oh yeah, Sam is really nice. That’s about it, really.
__________
This would usually be more in the Riss school of blogging, but I couldn't resist...
http://countingcrows.com/adam/3-31-04.html
http://countingcrows.com/adam/4-01-04.html
I love Mandy Moore all over again.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
xtn tells you what to think and what to say
I'm sick of hearing about people who say stuff without being able to back it up. I'm talking here about when someone says something like 'oh [insert name] would make excellent boyfriend/girlfriend material' when in actual fact they wouldn't wanna go out with [insert name] themselves. If you can't back them up, they're just empty words and you're better off not saying anything. Even worst is when you say it to their face. Actually even worse is when they end up hearing what you said from someone else (and, let's face it, words usually do eventually get around) and your intentions end up being misconstrued even more!
Give compliments if you will, but stick to singular vague qualities. Like 'She's pretty' or 'He's really nice' or 'That oddly-placed mole isn't really all that distracting after a while'. If you wanna say something so definitive like 'Anyone would be crazy not to wanna go out with you' then be prepared to back it up. Otherwise, don't say it. Chances are you don't mean it anyway. Chances are, what you really mean is 'He/she, on paper, seems like a perfectly good catch but personally I wouldn't wanna touch him/her with a ten-foot pole'. These thoughts are best kept to oneself.
Also, if you're already in a relationship, don't say stuff like 'If I was single, I'd go out with you' because, again, that's empty and meaningless and can't be backed up. As my friend Audrey might say, if it is not falsifiable, then it's not valid!
Finally, while 'reliable' and 'dependable' might be flattering for a car or washing machine, most human beings probably wouldn't like to hear those as being their best qualities.
So, in conclusion... oh I can't be bothered. I can't even believe I'm posting this up!
I'm sick of hearing about people who say stuff without being able to back it up. I'm talking here about when someone says something like 'oh [insert name] would make excellent boyfriend/girlfriend material' when in actual fact they wouldn't wanna go out with [insert name] themselves. If you can't back them up, they're just empty words and you're better off not saying anything. Even worst is when you say it to their face. Actually even worse is when they end up hearing what you said from someone else (and, let's face it, words usually do eventually get around) and your intentions end up being misconstrued even more!
Give compliments if you will, but stick to singular vague qualities. Like 'She's pretty' or 'He's really nice' or 'That oddly-placed mole isn't really all that distracting after a while'. If you wanna say something so definitive like 'Anyone would be crazy not to wanna go out with you' then be prepared to back it up. Otherwise, don't say it. Chances are you don't mean it anyway. Chances are, what you really mean is 'He/she, on paper, seems like a perfectly good catch but personally I wouldn't wanna touch him/her with a ten-foot pole'. These thoughts are best kept to oneself.
Also, if you're already in a relationship, don't say stuff like 'If I was single, I'd go out with you' because, again, that's empty and meaningless and can't be backed up. As my friend Audrey might say, if it is not falsifiable, then it's not valid!
Finally, while 'reliable' and 'dependable' might be flattering for a car or washing machine, most human beings probably wouldn't like to hear those as being their best qualities.
So, in conclusion... oh I can't be bothered. I can't even believe I'm posting this up!
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
xtn writes about stuff
I’m feeling the itch again. To start writing something. Some big project. Well, big for me anyway. I can feel it because I am up late again, thinking of ideas. I haven’t done that in a while. I usually write a whole lot. Then I get discouraged and I stop writing. Eventually I pick myself up and start again.
The disappointment has to be far enough in the rear view mirror. Yet at the same time, it has to be still visible to motivate me. Negative emotion is the spark because I can’t write when I am too happy. Yet if I am too close to it, then it’s like having too much spark. Or something. Actually I don’t think that holds very well.
Another way to process negative emotion is to think of all those who are worse off than you. It’s not very nice but it may work. I once heard about a disease where men develop gigantic testicles. I always imagine that these men always have a harder time than I do. They grow so big that the men have to carry them in wheelbarrows. I think it was common in some part of Africa or somewhere. I’m assuming that I learnt about this in biology. But to be honest, I can’t remember and I have never really checked this out myself to see if it is true.
There are lots of facts that I just take in that I never check out. For example, a friend of mine told me once that there is a Gospel according to Timothy that was left out of the Bible. In it, is a story of Jesus, as a little boy, getting really frustrated at another little boy that he tells the boy to drop dead. Having unknowingly used his celestial powers over life and death, the boy does indeed drop dead.
I liked this little vignette because it places emphasis on Jesus’ humanity – that he too didn’t always understand who he was and what he was capable of. And so I’ve told this story to countless others. But I’ve never actually check it out myself. There was a priest present when I heard about this, so I am assuming that his silence must have meant that he too had read or heard of such a passage. Priests seem like reliable sources of information to me. As do nerds in white lab coats pointing to numbers on a computer screen.
On the other hand, there are things that many people believe, without ever checking out the facts, that I know to be false. Take, for example, ancient Egyptian curses. These are a load of crap. Made by Hollywood. I’ve had this one checked out. Yes, the Book of the Dead is, indeed, a real thing. But all it was was a set that spells that gets buried with the mummy to ensure safe passage into the afterlife. You could argue that such a practice is quaint but there’s nothing really scary about it.
Conversely, one would assume that Sleepwalker is simply a figment of my imagination. But he’s actually real. Well, not real in the same sense that you and I are real (I am assuming that this blog is not being read by non-corporeal beings) but the concept of Sleepwalker comes from a real Egyptian myth about ‘Khu-frin’ (translates to ‘sleep-person’).
You see, the ancient Egyptians believed that to get into the afterlife, one of the trials you have to pass is that your soul (heart) must weigh less than a feather. The trial is presided over by Anubis, the jackal-headed god and Thoth, the ibis-headed scribe, would record the weighing. One of the many spells in the Book of the Dead was a bribe to Thoth so that he would change the records in your favour and allow you to pass into the afterlife.
The story of Khu-frin is about a thief who buys a Book of the Dead with the afore-mentioned spell because he knew that he would not make it into the afterlife on his own merits. But as he had no family or friends, when he died nobody bothered to bury the Book with him and so when it came to the weighing, he mentioned the bribe to Thoth, except that Thoth knew nothing of any payment from Khu-frin. Realising that the spell may not have come through for him, Khu-frin tried to cover his tracks but Anubis overheard his bribe attempt and so punished him by relegating him to the realm between life and death. In this state, Khu-frin could only communicate to people in dreams or hallucinations. His only hope of redemption was if he managed to steer enough people onto the righteous path, through dreams or hallucinations.
And that is where I got the idea for Sleepwalker from. You might wanna check that out for yourself though.
I’m feeling the itch again. To start writing something. Some big project. Well, big for me anyway. I can feel it because I am up late again, thinking of ideas. I haven’t done that in a while. I usually write a whole lot. Then I get discouraged and I stop writing. Eventually I pick myself up and start again.
The disappointment has to be far enough in the rear view mirror. Yet at the same time, it has to be still visible to motivate me. Negative emotion is the spark because I can’t write when I am too happy. Yet if I am too close to it, then it’s like having too much spark. Or something. Actually I don’t think that holds very well.
Another way to process negative emotion is to think of all those who are worse off than you. It’s not very nice but it may work. I once heard about a disease where men develop gigantic testicles. I always imagine that these men always have a harder time than I do. They grow so big that the men have to carry them in wheelbarrows. I think it was common in some part of Africa or somewhere. I’m assuming that I learnt about this in biology. But to be honest, I can’t remember and I have never really checked this out myself to see if it is true.
There are lots of facts that I just take in that I never check out. For example, a friend of mine told me once that there is a Gospel according to Timothy that was left out of the Bible. In it, is a story of Jesus, as a little boy, getting really frustrated at another little boy that he tells the boy to drop dead. Having unknowingly used his celestial powers over life and death, the boy does indeed drop dead.
I liked this little vignette because it places emphasis on Jesus’ humanity – that he too didn’t always understand who he was and what he was capable of. And so I’ve told this story to countless others. But I’ve never actually check it out myself. There was a priest present when I heard about this, so I am assuming that his silence must have meant that he too had read or heard of such a passage. Priests seem like reliable sources of information to me. As do nerds in white lab coats pointing to numbers on a computer screen.
On the other hand, there are things that many people believe, without ever checking out the facts, that I know to be false. Take, for example, ancient Egyptian curses. These are a load of crap. Made by Hollywood. I’ve had this one checked out. Yes, the Book of the Dead is, indeed, a real thing. But all it was was a set that spells that gets buried with the mummy to ensure safe passage into the afterlife. You could argue that such a practice is quaint but there’s nothing really scary about it.
Conversely, one would assume that Sleepwalker is simply a figment of my imagination. But he’s actually real. Well, not real in the same sense that you and I are real (I am assuming that this blog is not being read by non-corporeal beings) but the concept of Sleepwalker comes from a real Egyptian myth about ‘Khu-frin’ (translates to ‘sleep-person’).
You see, the ancient Egyptians believed that to get into the afterlife, one of the trials you have to pass is that your soul (heart) must weigh less than a feather. The trial is presided over by Anubis, the jackal-headed god and Thoth, the ibis-headed scribe, would record the weighing. One of the many spells in the Book of the Dead was a bribe to Thoth so that he would change the records in your favour and allow you to pass into the afterlife.
The story of Khu-frin is about a thief who buys a Book of the Dead with the afore-mentioned spell because he knew that he would not make it into the afterlife on his own merits. But as he had no family or friends, when he died nobody bothered to bury the Book with him and so when it came to the weighing, he mentioned the bribe to Thoth, except that Thoth knew nothing of any payment from Khu-frin. Realising that the spell may not have come through for him, Khu-frin tried to cover his tracks but Anubis overheard his bribe attempt and so punished him by relegating him to the realm between life and death. In this state, Khu-frin could only communicate to people in dreams or hallucinations. His only hope of redemption was if he managed to steer enough people onto the righteous path, through dreams or hallucinations.
And that is where I got the idea for Sleepwalker from. You might wanna check that out for yourself though.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
To whom it concerns,
You came in uninvited and you took things from me.
You took my things. My money. My memories. My fun. My feeling of home as my safe haven.
I so didn't need this. Not ever. But especially not now.
I hope they've caught you.
If they haven't, then I hope they will.
If they don't, then I hope something else befalls you.
I don't give a stuff why you did it.
I know I'm supposed to turn the other cheek.
But screw that.
This is personal.
I don't know you.
But it's personal.
If I knew magic, I'd put a curse on you.
If I faced you, and I had a baseball bat with me, I'd beat you to a pulp.
If I faced you, and I had a chainsaw, I'd drop that, grab the baseball bat and beat you to a pulp.
In these violent fantasies of mine you are, of course, powerless to do anything.
Kind of like how you made me feel.
And eventually, because (unlike you) I am a good person, I may get over this and calm down and I may even want to take back these things that I'm thinking.
Eventually I will forget how I feel right now.
So I'm writing this down.
Because I want to remember how I feel right now.
I want to never forget.
I hate you.
xtn
You came in uninvited and you took things from me.
You took my things. My money. My memories. My fun. My feeling of home as my safe haven.
I so didn't need this. Not ever. But especially not now.
I hope they've caught you.
If they haven't, then I hope they will.
If they don't, then I hope something else befalls you.
I don't give a stuff why you did it.
I know I'm supposed to turn the other cheek.
But screw that.
This is personal.
I don't know you.
But it's personal.
If I knew magic, I'd put a curse on you.
If I faced you, and I had a baseball bat with me, I'd beat you to a pulp.
If I faced you, and I had a chainsaw, I'd drop that, grab the baseball bat and beat you to a pulp.
In these violent fantasies of mine you are, of course, powerless to do anything.
Kind of like how you made me feel.
And eventually, because (unlike you) I am a good person, I may get over this and calm down and I may even want to take back these things that I'm thinking.
Eventually I will forget how I feel right now.
So I'm writing this down.
Because I want to remember how I feel right now.
I want to never forget.
I hate you.
xtn
Thursday, March 04, 2004
/Start...
Loose threads... here's something I hadn't read in a while from another blog site.
It reminds me that I've wasted so much. But I'm content in knowing that I'm fine with it. I may not be where I planned to be. But where I've come to isn't too bad a place to be either.
__________
Nat
It’s another sunny evening. Beautiful hues of red and orange and yellow, shimmering on the horizon like a desert rose blowing in a gentle breeze. I look into the setting sun, its blinding light dampened and brilliantly tinted by the smog residues of the passing day.
The park, once a large calm patch of green, now looks like a war zone. There is a giant cable being laid down on the edges of the grass and so half the park and the adjoining streets are fenced off and patrolled 24/7 by security guards. I wonder whether they’re trying to hide something from us. I may never know.
I now turn my attentions away from my surroundings and my thoughts towards him. I do often still think of him, though of course not as much as before. I think about the other him as well. Sometimes the two of them blend in my head into one. Other times they don’t even seem like they come from the same planet. I wonder whether they’re thinking of me too.
He’s moved on, I’m sure, and doesn’t even care. It was my loss after all and never his. The other he will be the same as he always is – thinking about other girls while I’m right under his nose but he can’t (or won’t) see me.
They say being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Maybe that’s true but being alone sure doesn’t help. I am lonely sometimes. I know that the other he is sometimes lonely too. We’re two lonely people who can’t find happiness in each other.
And although people look for different things in the same places or the same things in different places, all most people ever want is happiness – to be able to sit back, breathe in the fresh smog, smile and open up your arms to embrace the evening sun.
__________
As long as I know how to start... and know where to stop... I'll be fine.
Now I'll snap out of this weird dreary mood.
Stop/
Loose threads... here's something I hadn't read in a while from another blog site.
It reminds me that I've wasted so much. But I'm content in knowing that I'm fine with it. I may not be where I planned to be. But where I've come to isn't too bad a place to be either.
__________
Nat
It’s another sunny evening. Beautiful hues of red and orange and yellow, shimmering on the horizon like a desert rose blowing in a gentle breeze. I look into the setting sun, its blinding light dampened and brilliantly tinted by the smog residues of the passing day.
The park, once a large calm patch of green, now looks like a war zone. There is a giant cable being laid down on the edges of the grass and so half the park and the adjoining streets are fenced off and patrolled 24/7 by security guards. I wonder whether they’re trying to hide something from us. I may never know.
I now turn my attentions away from my surroundings and my thoughts towards him. I do often still think of him, though of course not as much as before. I think about the other him as well. Sometimes the two of them blend in my head into one. Other times they don’t even seem like they come from the same planet. I wonder whether they’re thinking of me too.
He’s moved on, I’m sure, and doesn’t even care. It was my loss after all and never his. The other he will be the same as he always is – thinking about other girls while I’m right under his nose but he can’t (or won’t) see me.
They say being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. Maybe that’s true but being alone sure doesn’t help. I am lonely sometimes. I know that the other he is sometimes lonely too. We’re two lonely people who can’t find happiness in each other.
And although people look for different things in the same places or the same things in different places, all most people ever want is happiness – to be able to sit back, breathe in the fresh smog, smile and open up your arms to embrace the evening sun.
__________
As long as I know how to start... and know where to stop... I'll be fine.
Now I'll snap out of this weird dreary mood.
Stop/
Friday, February 27, 2004
Oscar Smoshcar
The bad thing about the Oscars is that many of the movies often come out in Australia only after the awards show. So we, here, can’t get a full taste of who wins what and why. The best thing about the Oscars is Billy Crystal. This year, I won’t really care much, but for two exceptions.
1. Johnny Depp MUST win best actor: He won’t of course, cos the film’s too light and his role too purely comical, but he damn well should! Firstly, he made Pirates of the Caribbean as good as it was (although Geoffrey Rush should have gotten a nomination for best supporting actor). Otherwise, it was just another whimsical adventure movie. Secondly, he should be recognised for all his other acting achievements. The man’s a genius! He has amazing screen presence. Maybe it’s just that he hasn’t been in enough ‘Oscar-winning-type’ films, but he’s gotta be recognised. I don’t think I could name five actors who can be in the same film and be able to steal the audience’s attention from him.
2. Peter Jackson HAS TO win best director: So maybe Return of the King wasn’t the best of the three LOTR movies. But, again, he deserves to be recognised. If not for one film, then for all three! I mean, LOTR is the biggest motion picture achievement since the original Star Wars. Let’s see… 20 years from now, how many people would still remember Lost in Translation or Mystic River? And how many people would still remember LOTR?
OK, so those are biased choices, as in, they are not necessarily based on the merits of a single film in a single year alone. But the Academy has never been lacking in politics anyway. I mean, is anyone really naïve enough to believe that having Whoopi Goldberg host, Denzel Washington win best actor, Halle Berry win best actress and Sidney Poitier win a lifetime achievement award all in one year was just a coincidence? Especially in light of the fact that only one black actor (Poitier) had won a best actor award previously in the whole history of the award!
To finish off, I was gonna list my all-time favourite movies but that was too hard. So instead, I’m gonna name my Top 5 favourite performances of all time. Er… OK. Here they are, in no particular order. Excuse the gender bias. But I just can’t think of any female performances that are as memorable.
John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons
Geoffrey Rush in Quills
Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean or Sleepy Hollow
Christian Bale in American Psycho
Chow Yun Fat in All About Ah Long or The Killer (You know I had to put him in)
The bad thing about the Oscars is that many of the movies often come out in Australia only after the awards show. So we, here, can’t get a full taste of who wins what and why. The best thing about the Oscars is Billy Crystal. This year, I won’t really care much, but for two exceptions.
1. Johnny Depp MUST win best actor: He won’t of course, cos the film’s too light and his role too purely comical, but he damn well should! Firstly, he made Pirates of the Caribbean as good as it was (although Geoffrey Rush should have gotten a nomination for best supporting actor). Otherwise, it was just another whimsical adventure movie. Secondly, he should be recognised for all his other acting achievements. The man’s a genius! He has amazing screen presence. Maybe it’s just that he hasn’t been in enough ‘Oscar-winning-type’ films, but he’s gotta be recognised. I don’t think I could name five actors who can be in the same film and be able to steal the audience’s attention from him.
2. Peter Jackson HAS TO win best director: So maybe Return of the King wasn’t the best of the three LOTR movies. But, again, he deserves to be recognised. If not for one film, then for all three! I mean, LOTR is the biggest motion picture achievement since the original Star Wars. Let’s see… 20 years from now, how many people would still remember Lost in Translation or Mystic River? And how many people would still remember LOTR?
OK, so those are biased choices, as in, they are not necessarily based on the merits of a single film in a single year alone. But the Academy has never been lacking in politics anyway. I mean, is anyone really naïve enough to believe that having Whoopi Goldberg host, Denzel Washington win best actor, Halle Berry win best actress and Sidney Poitier win a lifetime achievement award all in one year was just a coincidence? Especially in light of the fact that only one black actor (Poitier) had won a best actor award previously in the whole history of the award!
To finish off, I was gonna list my all-time favourite movies but that was too hard. So instead, I’m gonna name my Top 5 favourite performances of all time. Er… OK. Here they are, in no particular order. Excuse the gender bias. But I just can’t think of any female performances that are as memorable.
John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons
Geoffrey Rush in Quills
Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean or Sleepy Hollow
Christian Bale in American Psycho
Chow Yun Fat in All About Ah Long or The Killer (You know I had to put him in)
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