- VIRTUAL JOOK v1.0 –

This is a call to any and all computer programmers out there who may be able to help me out.

My recent Jook experience was completely underwhelming (sorry Alwin!) and made me realise that I’m just not up for these kinds of social occasions anymore. When I think back at 2004, the only really enjoyable dance party experience for me was my own birthday. And the reasons why I enjoyed that one are pretty obvious. A couple of other clubbing experiences were borderline enjoyable. But generally speaking, I’m 26 and I’m done. I’m at the age where I used to think as an 18-year-old:

‘Gee I hope I still don’t go to dance parties at that age.’

I know I still want to go dancing but the context has to change. Maybe different music even. University parties are most definitely out!

But then when talking about Jook, most people tell me:

‘Well Jook isn’t really a dance party. Just a way to catch up with sooooo many people I haven’t seen for ages!’

That may be true. But the thing is, now I’m thinking – do I really want to say hi to someone who I haven’t seen in a year, ask them about their job, where they’ve been and then not see them again for another year? Can I really get myself to care enough? Let’s face it, if you really want to catch up with someone, you’ve probably called them up already. If you haven’t then they’re probably not that high on your list of priorities. I couldn’t give a stuff how Johnny Somebody who I met three times in 1997 is doing now and what financial company he works for. Chances are, I won’t even remember 80% of the conversation anyway so all I’ll take away with me, really, is that Johnny Somebody is still alive. If this offends you, then when’s the last time you thought ‘hey I should give that xtn guy a call.’

Yes, obviously there are exceptions. And you can sometimes end up getting to know someone you always knew of but never known that well. There are always gonna be diamonds in the rough. But generally speaking, if you’ve known someone since 1997 and you still aren’t good friends with them, chances are, you never will be.

So to make life easier for everyone (especially me) I am proposing VIRTUAL JOOK – ‘Catching up without leaving your chair!’

Basically, it’s a Friendster-style database of names of people in a certain social circle that can be updated continuously. Members will have to update at least every 6 months. Each member has a profile that can be filled in using a combination of write-ins and drop-down menus. Each profile will have the following:

- Name (fill in current name)
- I am: (menu: Alive or dead)
- Location (fill in suburb, city and country)
- Occupation (fill in occupation and place of work)
- Status (menu: married, single, divorced, dating, still a loser)
- Availability (menu: no, only when partner is not around, to the right person, yes, eager, quite desperate, willing to pay)
- Have I gained or lost a lot of weight in the last 6 months? (fill in details)
- Last holiday (fill in location and timeframe)
- 3 interesting occurrences in my life (fill in details)

The site will have its own internal messaging system to secure member privacy. When you send a message, it fill be laid out in the following way:

- Greeting (menu: hello, ohmagod, haven’t seen you in ages!, yo wassup, hey you)
- Greeting emoticon (menu: air kiss, hug, air kiss/ hug combo, manly handshake, homie-style handshake, manly hug, handshake/ hug combo. Premium members have the ‘grope’ emoticon and option to upload own emoticon)
- Message (enter message)
- Goodbye emoticon (menu: air kiss, hug, air kiss/ hug combo, manly handshake, homie-style handshake, manly hug, handshake/ hug combo. Premium members have the ‘grope’ emoticon and option to upload own emoticon)
- Would you like to catch up sometime? (menu: yes or no)
- No, would you REALLY like to catch up sometime? (menu: yes or no)
- Contact details (fill in, if above yielded ‘yes’ responses)

To enhance the experience, members can personalise the wallpaper and background music:

- Wallpaper (menu: Booty Bar, City Live, Castles, Sharkeys, Maloney’s. Premium members can upload their own wallpaper)
- Music (menu: Old school RnB, new RnB, combination. Premium members can upload their own music)

Now I COULD take this further… but… well… I don’t care enough to, really. At least not right now.