so was walking after work around the city. I went to the comic store like I do every Thursday (which is shipment day), but this time I went on. Wondering the city made me feel a little Holden Caulfield, except without the fascination with death. Actually I can’t really remember how much death was involved with the book but I just remember that it made me depressed to read it and I didn’t like it as much as many other people do. It didn’t help that I borrowed it from a friend of mine who was chronically melancholic. And he always said that it was his favourite book.

I don’t think I’ve ever really contemplated suicide, but if I did, well today wasn’t it. I’m not overjoyous happy, but I believe that I am in a good place and I have been for a while. It’s probably why I haven’t written anything. So the walk was a little aimless and I may have been a little restless. It may have had something to do with the eggs at home that were going to expire tonight. And I was sort dreading having to think about what to do with them. (In the end it all worked out fine. I’m not totally sure what a frittata is but I believe that what I made tonight is probably pretty close.)

Maybe it was because my apartment had more than a few empty bottles (emptied by multiple people, mind you. I haven’t been binge drinking at home!) lying around and it was looking messy for the first time. I’m always afraid of times when everything goes downhill. Like, well this could be the day that I stop caring and I’ll get messy again.

Maybe it was that I had planned to see a movie tonight with a friend who never ended up replying to my email. Not that it upset me, because truth be told I am tired tonight and would rather be at home. But it’s this habit of mine. I make plans to go see people and it’s like I already have it in my head that it’s going to happen before they even tell me whether they can make it or not. So when they can’t make it, it’s a big disappointed. On my more elaborate plans, I even have conversation topics prepared.

But no matter. I was just walking around.

I have a crush (and I believe ‘crush’ is the appropriate term to use in this case) on this girl who, as far as I know, I cannot have. And I was thinking about her as I walked into the bookstore. While I did momentarily get distracted by a plastic slip case adorned with the image of Batman on the cover of Detective Comics #27, I was mostly thinking about her. And then, as I went to the front counter to purchase the distraction, I bumped into one of her friends, which is interesting because I only met her last week (the friend, not the girl) but not really all that interesting because this friend did tell me when I met her that she worked at this bookstore. But to be fair to me, I really had forgotten. And to be fair to the coincidence, she wasn’t working tonight.

I realised that both these girls are sort of similar. They both have this charming awkwardness about them. It makes me a little awkward too. It’s like characters from the Gilmore Girls or something (which is one of her favourite shows) where everyone talks fast in order to fill the awkward silences and to make themselves sound as smart and hip and cool as they can be.

I also now realise that if she were to read this blog entry, then she would realise that it is her that I am talking about here. She’s pretty cluey like that. And also because I will write an email to her tomorrow and tell her that I bumped into her friend at the bookstore. But I doubt it, really. The only way I see that she would read this is if she specifically googled me and found my blog. And her doing so would imply that maybe my chances with her aren’t as bad as I think, in which case I wouldn’t mind her reading it. At the very least this would make her blush. A little. I’ll just have to remember never to mention to her that I have a blog when I’m drunk. Like the time I mentioned to my work colleague that I just went for a job interview that week. That was a good one.

The chance encounter with the friend wasn’t particularly exciting, but it sort of was if you know what I mean. And then after