I like funny girls.

It occurred to me a while ago that within my social sphere there is a severe lack of funny girls. Now the thought just depresses me. Yes, there are plenty girls who can go along with jokes. There is certainly an abundance of girls who will laugh and giggle to good (or bad) humour. But there are very few who can generate their own humour. Most of the clowns (proverbially speaking) I know are guys. AND I’m also not including girls who are accidentally amusing. Although they can sometimes be incredibly funny, it’s…well… not what I’m talking about.

xtn’s Superficial attractiveness scale.

In order to try and improve myself, I am attempting to quantify my own superficial attractiveness and find out where I can make improvements. The following figures are based on sweeping generalisations of what I believe are attractive and unattractive within my own social sphere. In no way does this reflect any real and/or meaningful scientific studies. That I know of. It is possible that the figures match up exactly to some respected scientific study but that would be purely by accident and not careful and responsible scientific research.

I will begin by what I call the PA. Your PA is your Potential Attractiveness. This covers everything from your height, face shape, nose, the size of your… um… ears. Basically it’s everything about you that you can’t change without plastic surgery.

For the sake of modesty, let’s just call my PA ‘PA’.

Here are my current attributes, as judged by myself.

Plays basketball: +5
Plays tennis: +3
Aptitude in other sports: -3
Collects comics: -10
Haircut: +4
Facial hair: -3
Slight acne problem: -2
Musical ability: 0
Fashion sense (inoffensive): 0
Flab level: -7
Fitness level: -3
Interesting occupation: +10
Low-paying occupation: -10
Car (Lancer coupe in current unwashed state): +3
Sense of humour: +3
Writing ability: +1
Music taste: +1
Perceived intelligence: +5
Artistic ability: +2
Social skills: +5
Dancing skills: -2
Cooking skills: +2
Moderate level of computer game playing: -2
Aptitude in computer game playing: -1
Mysteriousness scale: -3
Bastard scale: -3
Wealth: -2

By these calculations, I am operating at PA-7. Which means I am underachieving on my potential by 7 points.

Hmmm… at least there’s still improvements to be had.

Here are some Upgrades I had in mind.

Clean car upgrade: +1
New sports coupe upgrade: +5
Guitar playing upgrade: +5
New shaver upgrade: +1
Queer eye upgrade: +5
Celebrity status upgrade: +50
Good-looking girlfriend upgrade: +4

Seriously…

I’m sick of talking about serious things. I really am. I’m sick of having to justify myself. I’m sick of getting advice. I’ll still give advice and listen to you if you want me to. But don’t get me started on myself. And if I do so on my own accord, I would appreciate it if you would just grin and bear it. That will make me stop sooner.

I’d rather talk about funny nonsense. And about pretty girls in ghastly pink jacket and fishnets ensembles.