There is really nothing to gain by playing a girls team. If you win, well you were always gonna win. It’s a girls team after all. If you lose, then, well, you’re losers. We did win by the way.

I hope Marty goes through Idol Wildcard. He’s good. Got a really nice pop rock voice. He sings the way I wish I could.

It’s been an interesting weekend. Not like last weekend which was really good. This one was alright but there was something really off hanging over it. It feels like having to maintain a polite smile while ignoring someone’s fart in the room. But you can still have an alright time even if you have to smell someone’s fart. If other things are good enough, that is.

It’s getting late. I’m talking crap again. I’m off.

But before I go:

Raikkonnen won his first GP of the season. For a second, I forgot and thought he was Hakkinnen. Meanwhile, Schumacher won his 7th World Championship. I have to admit he’s really good. But I still don’t like him.

My friend Alvina started a blog after all…

OK. Let’s talk feelings.

I am feeling:

Tired, annoyed, bored.

And my leg is itchy. So is my head.

Dear Alvina

Thank you for dinner. And the chat. You should really write a blog. Really. Here are my reasons:
1. You should put yourself out there.
2. You’re probably more articulate than most other bloggers out there.
3. Blogging is free.
4. You actually have a message that you’re (very) obviously trying to spread. Did I mention that Blogger is a FREE and relatively effective medium to do that?
5. Blogging will make you 15% more attractive to the opposite sex and 17% more attractive to the same sex.
6. You should write things down so I can read them and tear them apart like you like to do to my entries [insert smiley face with tongue sticking out].

I hope you do realize that I’m not always like the way I am when I’m around you. This is why I have a lot less to say to you when I’ve been drinking. With drink me brain don’t work proper like. In these times, try talking to me about bunnies. I like talking about bunnies.

xtn

Have you ever had the feeling that maybe you’re barking up the wrong tree? And worse still, that you’ve been barking up this same wrong tree your whole adult life?

Dear Ms Troy

You mean more to me than I will ever admit to your face. But sometimes, you really really piss me off, you know? Considering the fact that you never call me until everyone else you’ve tried calling can’t help you and that I hardly ever see you outside of an alcohol-fueled social situation, please do not assume to know all of me. Not that I’m necessarily saying I am all that complicated, with layers like an onion and such, but I feel like you continually judge me in an acutely unfair and wholly inaccurate manner in aspects of me which you know very little about. I hope some day you will get your head out of your arse and realise that some people actually give a damn about you. One of which is me.

xtn

Sometimes I feel like I am a novelty person. At least in my social bubble. Now is one of those times.

To whom it may concern

It should be noted that despite having a relatively bad memory, there are some things I will never forget.

Take this however which way you like.

xtn

Dullness is a quality for which the phrase ‘it takes one to know one’ does not apply. But like, oh my God, that is so interesting! There are times when I despise pop philosophy so much. It’s like drinking lite milk or listening to Will Smith rap.

More feelings and thoughts to come. For now, I need to sleep. I have to wake up tomorrow morning for our basketball game. We’re playing a team of girls.

I've updated my short story page. I was gonna write a longer story but it wasn't going where I wanted it to so I'm breaking it into parts. I hope you guys give it a go.

I swear I can sing Josh Kelley's Amazing better than this guy! This week's group may have better singers than previous weeks but I don't know if I like any of them. None of the standouts in this group are all that marketable.

I had a really good weekend. And I haven't said that in a really long time.

‘I am feeling very Olympic today.’
Sanka, Cool Runnings

Here’s the thing. I’m sick of Americans. No, I’m not an American hater. I love McDonald’s. I even sort of supported America’s first war on terrorism (Afghanistan). But the hype on American athletes in Athens is ridiculous. ESPN says that Michael Phelps has ‘supplanted Ian Thorpe as the world’s greatest swimmer.’ Er… no. Firstly I still consider all-round nice guy Pieter van den Hoogenband (actually pronounced ‘fun-den-ho-g/hen-bund) the fastest man in the pool. But that’s beside the point.

America had Phelps entered in eight different events, but look at what he’s good at.

1. Individual medley: Ooh. Tell me the last time you heard anyone being hyped for this event. The fact is, no one cares about the medley. True, it’s a test of all-round skill but it’s not dominance at any one thing. So no one cares. I bet if Thorpe actually tried, he’d be good at this too.

2. Butterfly: OK, you won’t agree with me here, but I think butterfly is the stupidest of the four Olympic swimming strokes. It’s a secondary stroke. Most good butterfly swimmers are also pretty good at freestyle. And it makes the least sense. Freestyle, breaststroke and backstroke each offer some sort of practical advantage over the other strokes. Besides working different muscle groups, what do you get out of butterfly that you can’t get out of the other strokes? Hell, dog paddle makes more sense! The other really stupid Olympic event is the triple jump. It’s such an arbitrary event… but that’s for another time.

Anyway, I’m just rambling here. But the point is, not many people will argue that freestyle (especially the shorter distances) is swimming’s glamour events. And at freestyle, Phelps (at least at this time) is no competition for Thorpe.

Now Undercover Angels was horrible. And I hate how he has his own line of jewellery and how after 9/11 he was interviewed about how close he got to death because he was in New York a day earlier. But in the pool, I gotta admit, Thorpe is breathtaking. And every time that Thorpe and Phelps have been in the pool at the same time, Thorpe has been faster.

(As an aside, that 4x200 relay was probably the first time that Thorpe has been less than superhuman. Sure he was still faster than any man in the pool in that race, but he couldn’t get past Klete Keller. I would’ve (if I were a betting man) bet my soul on Thorpe getting past Keller. Thorpe always pulls through. He performs miracles. He’s supposed to.)

But anyway, a note to Phelps and the rest of America: get over it! You’re good but you’re not there. At least not yet. End of discussion.

Beyond the pool now. On to basketball. The men’s US Basketball team annoys me. Firstly, all but three of the team members are replacements for America’s best that, frankly, just couldn’t be bothered coming – citing various excuses (‘injuries’, ‘marriage’, ‘security reasons’ and the ever popular ‘rape trial’ excuse). And now this second-string team refuses to stay in the Olympic village, and instead are living it up on the Queen Mary II surrounded by constant police patrol.

Again, get over yourselves. You’re not the Dream Team anymore. No one outside of the US (except die hard basketball fans) even know who you are. In 1992, Team USA was indeed the Dream Team. There were actual household names on that team (Jordan, Magic, Bird, Barkley and... ahem.. Christian Laettner, just to name a few). This Team USA is peppered with no-names like Emeka Okafor, Richard Jefferson (no, he’s not a past president), Carlos Boozer and Caramello Koala. Even their top players, Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson are only marginal celebrities outside of the basketball world (and America). And on top of that, they’re not even invincible anymore. Hell, they’re not even the gold medal favourites in these games. They don’t need to stay on a friggin’ luxury liner for security reasons!

Americans have to realise that people outside of America don’t care nearly as much about them as they do themselves.

OK. I’m done.

On to other Olympic thoughts…

… bring back Andrew Gaze. I miss him already.
… isn’t Jodie Henry just absolutely adorable? Her anchor leg of the 4x100 relay was incredible! And by tomorrow, she may become officially the fastest woman in the water.
… sexiest female Olympic athletes: beach volleyball. Least sexiest female Olympic athletes: a tie between shot put and shooting.
… I know volleyball is a legit sport, but how come I never see any Olympic volleyballers panting and sweating? They just all look too relaxed.
… please please please place an older age requirement for gymnasts so we won’t have many more of these conversations.
Person 1: She looks 12
Person 2: She is 12
Person 1: Oh
… just for the fun of it, they should show boxing, wrestling and judo matches on TV with a Street Fighter- style clock in the top middle of the screen along with health bars (their names underneath them) with the energy going up each time they score points. And when someone gets consecutive points, they should show ‘6-HIT COMBO!’ in flashing lights followed by a slow motion replay. ‘Fatalities’, however, wouldn’t be in the Olympic spirit.

Away from Olympics…

At work, I wrote a letter to the Bayerische Staatsgemäldesammlungen. Have a look at it. I don’t even know where to begin.

I spent last night doing Debbie. I was a bit apprehensive about it in the beginning. But I’m glad I did. It was really good. Certainly put a smile on my face.

(As a side note - I seem to be having lots of these - someone I invited along thought that Debbie Does Dallas was a band. Well I suppose it's the same kind of name as Death Cab for Cutie but... well... no. Just no.)

Not so long ago, my sister gave me samples of new Lynx deodorants and shower gels. My favourite was the green 'Anti-hangover' and the even newer 'Snake skin' is also really good. While I'm not a big fan of Lynx's usually musky scents, these two both have nice fresh citrus scents. Admitedly, this is a brave move for a product that is so heavily geared towards a hetrosexual male market. Then she told me that 'Anti-hangover' has been really popular (haven't asked about 'Snake skin'). Well that's good. I was afraid I was going to be the only one who likes a not-so-traditionally-male scent.

It confirms my sneaking suspicion that secretly, all men wish they could smell like a fruit.

Don't call me Idol

I have decided that Australian Idol is not for me. I now believe that the show is too mainstream and commercial for my unique talents. I believe that if I were to go on the show next year, it would be a serious compromise on my integrity as an artist and performer.

I shall, therefore, be continuing to establish myself in the underground karaoke scene, where I am allowed to be myself and where I do not have to face unfair public pressure to become somebody that I feel I am not.

Thank you.

I have good taste.

I know this.

Today, watching essential television that is the Miss Teen USA Pageant 2004, my own personal top 3 from the beginning of the show (still 51 delegates) ended up finishing 1,3 and 4 (Louisiana, Nevada and Tennessee respectively). Last year, my pick ended up winning too (Oregon).

I didn’t watch this year’s Miss Universe (despite Australia winning) but as far as I can remember, the Miss Universe delegates are usually far more refined with their answers to questions compared to their Miss Teen USA counterpart. All their responses were littered with ‘like’ and ‘you know’. Louisiana’s answer to everything was that she was being herself (which, I suppose isn’t so bad considering…) while Tennessee’s favourite book is ‘The Great Gapsby’ and her hero is her brother who is in the air force – because he ‘lays his line on the life’ every day.

Hawaii was also a hottie. Somehow she escaped my radar at the start. Just thought I’d mention that.

Meanwhile, why are so many girls/women in the spotlight getting so skinny? Screw the health reasons for a moment. It just looks bad. Buffy looked better when she had more meat on her. And if the Olsen twins ate more, they’d at least be trolls with nice figures. Brandy performed at the Miss Teen USA pageant and she’s gone skinny too. She used to look fit and athletic. It’s such a shame.

King Arthur the movie was a big let down. Another shame. I looked forward to it. I’m a big fan of Clive Owen and they stuffed it. They wanted to make it historic but they only went halfway and the result comes across as a B-Grade Braveheart. Should have just done a remake of Excalibur and put Peter Jackson, Sam Raimi or Gore Verbinski at the helm. Magic, melodramatic music and fancy armour and swords would have been better. They could have just used existing LOTR footage of Gandalf for Merlin and dubbed over the words. That would have been better than this. Although, Stellan Skarsgard was fantastic as Cedric of the Saxons. Such a big presence.

Late night scratchings

I'm trying to write my next short story. But I can't get past the first sentence. I have a concept in my head but these things always sound better than they write. It's not so much writer's block as it is writer's ineptitude.

Today I did something rather important. Tomorrow I'm going to finish what I started. I just hope it works. I haven't had a good night's rest in what seems like years. So I need this. Peace of mind. Once i have that i think I'll have a good cry. Not a sad cry. A good one. Where I smile at the same time. Like a sun shower.

It's also late. And I'm babbling. I'm trying to watch TV at the same time and it's not working. This show is way too heavy for this time of night.

What's the name of that theatre at the corner of City Rd and Cleveland St? They're about to show Debbie does Dallas the Musical. I'm so curious as to what this can be like. Anyone interested in seeing it?

Q Magazine recently released a list of the 100 most powerful people in music. I was surprised to read that Avril Lavigne and John Mayer didn't make the list. On the other hand, Ryan Adams made it at No. 97. Now I own every official album that this genius of a musician has ever released, but even I realise that the amount of influence he wields is nothing compared to Avril. Maybe it refers to other forms of influence. Not just fans and money generated. I don't know.

I finished reading this book called The Wisdom of Crocodiles by Paul Hoffman. It's a long book. Took 13 years to write apparently. It's sprawling. Covering almost every subject matter you can think of. It's one of the longest books I've read in a while. But as I turned the last page, I felt disappointingly empty. It had a lot of good bits in it. But none of them tied together. I kind of get what it was trying to say. And the book didn't drag like a lot of big books do. It just lacked cohesion. I'm very disappointed.

I wish I tried out for Australian Idol. I really do. I'll try to try next year.

I know most of you won't care, but if you follow basketball (and other American sports) you should start reading this guy's column (if you haven't already). I think he's the best sportswriter I've ever read. His NBA draft diaries are especially fun. It could just be because I think he writes a little like me. In that same self indulgent sense.

I'm really getting into Crossing Jordan. It's corny but the characters are likable. I like that. I have mixed feelings about the OC. It feels too try-hardish. Even for a teeny bopper show (and I can appreciate teeny bopper shows for what they are). It feels like Less than Zero on training wheels. Just as the movie Go felt like a teeny bopper Pulp Fiction. Funnily enough, Doug Liman was/is heavily involved with both.

Ryan and Seth look too much like Dawson and Pacey. Marissa needs to eat more. A lot more! Summer, on top of looking skanky, is probably the worst-written character on television. Even worse than Colleen on Home and Away. I must say, though, that Ryan is a pretty well-written character (for a misunderstood bad boy cliche). I still watch it because it's on TV. That's a good enough reason for me. And it's not all bad.

If I were to create my own OC, I would make the kids a little older and here would be my cast (assuming an unlimited budget):

Ryan: Orlando Bloom (I know he's 26 but Luke Perry was 45 when he played Dylan. Give him a shave and he'll be fine)
Seth: Jake Gyllenhaal
Marissa: Mandy Moore (I thought about Katie Holmes but that's just too Dawson. Keira Knightley would be a good choice too except she also needs to eat more and looks too much like Natalie Portman who I've also cast - see below)
Summer: Jessica Alba (or Eliza Dushku - I swear these two are interchangeable in any role they play)
Seth's parents: Antonio Banderas and Michelle Pfeiffer
Marissa's parents: Johnny Depp and Ashley Judd
Luke: Ashton Kutcher (the most unlikable young actor I can think of)
Anna: Natalie Portman
Seth's grandfather: Christopher Walken

Written by David Mamet (State and Main, Spanish Prisoner)
Directed by Steven Soderberg (Ocean's Eleven, Traffic)

Now wouldn't THAT make compelling television!

OK, I've had enough. The goatee's coming off soon.