‘I am feeling very Olympic today.’
Sanka, Cool Runnings

Here’s the thing. I’m sick of Americans. No, I’m not an American hater. I love McDonald’s. I even sort of supported America’s first war on terrorism (Afghanistan). But the hype on American athletes in Athens is ridiculous. ESPN says that Michael Phelps has ‘supplanted Ian Thorpe as the world’s greatest swimmer.’ Er… no. Firstly I still consider all-round nice guy Pieter van den Hoogenband (actually pronounced ‘fun-den-ho-g/hen-bund) the fastest man in the pool. But that’s beside the point.

America had Phelps entered in eight different events, but look at what he’s good at.

1. Individual medley: Ooh. Tell me the last time you heard anyone being hyped for this event. The fact is, no one cares about the medley. True, it’s a test of all-round skill but it’s not dominance at any one thing. So no one cares. I bet if Thorpe actually tried, he’d be good at this too.

2. Butterfly: OK, you won’t agree with me here, but I think butterfly is the stupidest of the four Olympic swimming strokes. It’s a secondary stroke. Most good butterfly swimmers are also pretty good at freestyle. And it makes the least sense. Freestyle, breaststroke and backstroke each offer some sort of practical advantage over the other strokes. Besides working different muscle groups, what do you get out of butterfly that you can’t get out of the other strokes? Hell, dog paddle makes more sense! The other really stupid Olympic event is the triple jump. It’s such an arbitrary event… but that’s for another time.

Anyway, I’m just rambling here. But the point is, not many people will argue that freestyle (especially the shorter distances) is swimming’s glamour events. And at freestyle, Phelps (at least at this time) is no competition for Thorpe.

Now Undercover Angels was horrible. And I hate how he has his own line of jewellery and how after 9/11 he was interviewed about how close he got to death because he was in New York a day earlier. But in the pool, I gotta admit, Thorpe is breathtaking. And every time that Thorpe and Phelps have been in the pool at the same time, Thorpe has been faster.

(As an aside, that 4x200 relay was probably the first time that Thorpe has been less than superhuman. Sure he was still faster than any man in the pool in that race, but he couldn’t get past Klete Keller. I would’ve (if I were a betting man) bet my soul on Thorpe getting past Keller. Thorpe always pulls through. He performs miracles. He’s supposed to.)

But anyway, a note to Phelps and the rest of America: get over it! You’re good but you’re not there. At least not yet. End of discussion.

Beyond the pool now. On to basketball. The men’s US Basketball team annoys me. Firstly, all but three of the team members are replacements for America’s best that, frankly, just couldn’t be bothered coming – citing various excuses (‘injuries’, ‘marriage’, ‘security reasons’ and the ever popular ‘rape trial’ excuse). And now this second-string team refuses to stay in the Olympic village, and instead are living it up on the Queen Mary II surrounded by constant police patrol.

Again, get over yourselves. You’re not the Dream Team anymore. No one outside of the US (except die hard basketball fans) even know who you are. In 1992, Team USA was indeed the Dream Team. There were actual household names on that team (Jordan, Magic, Bird, Barkley and... ahem.. Christian Laettner, just to name a few). This Team USA is peppered with no-names like Emeka Okafor, Richard Jefferson (no, he’s not a past president), Carlos Boozer and Caramello Koala. Even their top players, Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson are only marginal celebrities outside of the basketball world (and America). And on top of that, they’re not even invincible anymore. Hell, they’re not even the gold medal favourites in these games. They don’t need to stay on a friggin’ luxury liner for security reasons!

Americans have to realise that people outside of America don’t care nearly as much about them as they do themselves.

OK. I’m done.

On to other Olympic thoughts…

… bring back Andrew Gaze. I miss him already.
… isn’t Jodie Henry just absolutely adorable? Her anchor leg of the 4x100 relay was incredible! And by tomorrow, she may become officially the fastest woman in the water.
… sexiest female Olympic athletes: beach volleyball. Least sexiest female Olympic athletes: a tie between shot put and shooting.
… I know volleyball is a legit sport, but how come I never see any Olympic volleyballers panting and sweating? They just all look too relaxed.
… please please please place an older age requirement for gymnasts so we won’t have many more of these conversations.
Person 1: She looks 12
Person 2: She is 12
Person 1: Oh
… just for the fun of it, they should show boxing, wrestling and judo matches on TV with a Street Fighter- style clock in the top middle of the screen along with health bars (their names underneath them) with the energy going up each time they score points. And when someone gets consecutive points, they should show ‘6-HIT COMBO!’ in flashing lights followed by a slow motion replay. ‘Fatalities’, however, wouldn’t be in the Olympic spirit.

Away from Olympics…

At work, I wrote a letter to the Bayerische Staatsgemäldesammlungen. Have a look at it. I don’t even know where to begin.

I spent last night doing Debbie. I was a bit apprehensive about it in the beginning. But I’m glad I did. It was really good. Certainly put a smile on my face.

(As a side note - I seem to be having lots of these - someone I invited along thought that Debbie Does Dallas was a band. Well I suppose it's the same kind of name as Death Cab for Cutie but... well... no. Just no.)