- VIRTUAL JOOK v1.0 –
This is a call to any and all computer programmers out there who may be able to help me out.
My recent Jook experience was completely underwhelming (sorry Alwin!) and made me realise that I’m just not up for these kinds of social occasions anymore. When I think back at 2004, the only really enjoyable dance party experience for me was my own birthday. And the reasons why I enjoyed that one are pretty obvious. A couple of other clubbing experiences were borderline enjoyable. But generally speaking, I’m 26 and I’m done. I’m at the age where I used to think as an 18-year-old:
‘Gee I hope I still don’t go to dance parties at that age.’
I know I still want to go dancing but the context has to change. Maybe different music even. University parties are most definitely out!
But then when talking about Jook, most people tell me:
‘Well Jook isn’t really a dance party. Just a way to catch up with sooooo many people I haven’t seen for ages!’
That may be true. But the thing is, now I’m thinking – do I really want to say hi to someone who I haven’t seen in a year, ask them about their job, where they’ve been and then not see them again for another year? Can I really get myself to care enough? Let’s face it, if you really want to catch up with someone, you’ve probably called them up already. If you haven’t then they’re probably not that high on your list of priorities. I couldn’t give a stuff how Johnny Somebody who I met three times in 1997 is doing now and what financial company he works for. Chances are, I won’t even remember 80% of the conversation anyway so all I’ll take away with me, really, is that Johnny Somebody is still alive. If this offends you, then when’s the last time you thought ‘hey I should give that xtn guy a call.’
Yes, obviously there are exceptions. And you can sometimes end up getting to know someone you always knew of but never known that well. There are always gonna be diamonds in the rough. But generally speaking, if you’ve known someone since 1997 and you still aren’t good friends with them, chances are, you never will be.
So to make life easier for everyone (especially me) I am proposing VIRTUAL JOOK – ‘Catching up without leaving your chair!’
Basically, it’s a Friendster-style database of names of people in a certain social circle that can be updated continuously. Members will have to update at least every 6 months. Each member has a profile that can be filled in using a combination of write-ins and drop-down menus. Each profile will have the following:
- Name (fill in current name)
- I am: (menu: Alive or dead)
- Location (fill in suburb, city and country)
- Occupation (fill in occupation and place of work)
- Status (menu: married, single, divorced, dating, still a loser)
- Availability (menu: no, only when partner is not around, to the right person, yes, eager, quite desperate, willing to pay)
- Have I gained or lost a lot of weight in the last 6 months? (fill in details)
- Last holiday (fill in location and timeframe)
- 3 interesting occurrences in my life (fill in details)
The site will have its own internal messaging system to secure member privacy. When you send a message, it fill be laid out in the following way:
- Greeting (menu: hello, ohmagod, haven’t seen you in ages!, yo wassup, hey you)
- Greeting emoticon (menu: air kiss, hug, air kiss/ hug combo, manly handshake, homie-style handshake, manly hug, handshake/ hug combo. Premium members have the ‘grope’ emoticon and option to upload own emoticon)
- Message (enter message)
- Goodbye emoticon (menu: air kiss, hug, air kiss/ hug combo, manly handshake, homie-style handshake, manly hug, handshake/ hug combo. Premium members have the ‘grope’ emoticon and option to upload own emoticon)
- Would you like to catch up sometime? (menu: yes or no)
- No, would you REALLY like to catch up sometime? (menu: yes or no)
- Contact details (fill in, if above yielded ‘yes’ responses)
To enhance the experience, members can personalise the wallpaper and background music:
- Wallpaper (menu: Booty Bar, City Live, Castles, Sharkeys, Maloney’s. Premium members can upload their own wallpaper)
- Music (menu: Old school RnB, new RnB, combination. Premium members can upload their own music)
Now I COULD take this further… but… well… I don’t care enough to, really. At least not right now.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Working at work
My IN tray is empty so I have little to do.
How much work I have to do is dictated by how full my IN tray is.
Currently it is empty.
I’ve mentioned that already, haven’t I?
*
The Academic department next door have hired a bunch of these Law students that do their research for them. And they’re all Asians. There aren’t that many Asians in this company overall so I’m wondering how this came about. I’m thinking maybe they got some package deal down in Chinatown. I’m also thinking maybe I’m just talking out of my arse again.
And there’s something about Asians meeting Asians.
The instant familiarity.
We had cake the other day and these new Asians met everybody on our team. But who did they instantly speak to? That’s right. Me.
And one of the guys – I think his name is Tim but I could be wrong – whenever he sees me walking around Westfield’s at lunch, he’ll raise and hand and say:
‘Yo. Wassup.’
*
The toilet no longer reminds me of Fanta. But on the way there from my desk, I pass by the desk of this tall leggy pretty blonde who, I think, works in finance. She made a real splash at the Christmas party with everyone for being, well, tall, leggy, pretty and blonde. She was wearing a white Marilyn-style dress. She’s new too apparently.
She’s friendly so of I pass by her, she’ll say hi usually. But if I go to the toilet too often, she’ll probably be thinking one of the following:
A. I have a weak bladder.
B. I have serious rectal issues that may be best dealt by consultation with a physician.
C. I have serious masturbatory issues that may be best dealt by consultation with a psychiatrist.
None of those would paint a particularly attractive picture of me. Worse still because the real reason would be that I’m just a pervert.
My IN tray is empty so I have little to do.
How much work I have to do is dictated by how full my IN tray is.
Currently it is empty.
I’ve mentioned that already, haven’t I?
*
The Academic department next door have hired a bunch of these Law students that do their research for them. And they’re all Asians. There aren’t that many Asians in this company overall so I’m wondering how this came about. I’m thinking maybe they got some package deal down in Chinatown. I’m also thinking maybe I’m just talking out of my arse again.
And there’s something about Asians meeting Asians.
The instant familiarity.
We had cake the other day and these new Asians met everybody on our team. But who did they instantly speak to? That’s right. Me.
And one of the guys – I think his name is Tim but I could be wrong – whenever he sees me walking around Westfield’s at lunch, he’ll raise and hand and say:
‘Yo. Wassup.’
*
The toilet no longer reminds me of Fanta. But on the way there from my desk, I pass by the desk of this tall leggy pretty blonde who, I think, works in finance. She made a real splash at the Christmas party with everyone for being, well, tall, leggy, pretty and blonde. She was wearing a white Marilyn-style dress. She’s new too apparently.
She’s friendly so of I pass by her, she’ll say hi usually. But if I go to the toilet too often, she’ll probably be thinking one of the following:
A. I have a weak bladder.
B. I have serious rectal issues that may be best dealt by consultation with a physician.
C. I have serious masturbatory issues that may be best dealt by consultation with a psychiatrist.
None of those would paint a particularly attractive picture of me. Worse still because the real reason would be that I’m just a pervert.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
From my desk on the tenth floor of the PeopleSoft building, I am remembering this morning’s train ride to work. The second leg to be specific. I slept through most of the first leg. On the train I am thinking that $10 can get you more than just a ‘Best of’ CD. $10 can buy you nostalgia. I am also thinking of an email that was sent around the office yesterday.
Earlier this morning a suspicious man was seen on level 3. He is described as follows:
Scary looking skinny dude with checked shirt and tight blackish jeans smelling of alcohol and ciggies.
If you see this individual, please notify either myself on #XXXX or the Building Manager, Pat Averageperson, on XXXX XXXX.
Regards,
Mr Blah Blah
Last week I went to HMV and bought Campfire Songs – the best of 10,000 Maniacs. $10 on the bargain table next to Mark Holden’s greatest hits.
The Maniacs were a band that I first got into during late high school. I say ‘were’ because, although the band exists today in some form, they died around the same I first discovered them. They’re alive today in name only. Like how Lassie is alive today but is in no way the same lovable pooch that starred in those black and white films all those decades ago. (Incidently, some of the dogs who played Lassie in later films were actually male – and not bitches- and so the name ‘Laddie’ may have been more appropriate. But I’m off the topic now.)
To me, the Maniacs died when their heart and soul (singer/songwriter Natalie Merchant) left the band to pursue a solo career. The rest of the band re-formed and got a new lead singer. But it just wasn’t the same. The song that got to me was their farewell single – a cover of Bruce Springteen’s ‘Because the night’. I first heard it on a trip to America in the mid-90s. (The trip was also where I bought my first – and last- pair of Reebok Pumps at a store called ‘Shoe City’ in Anaheim. But I really should stop getting distracted here.)
The song got to me. Her voice got to me. And soon after I started collecting a reasonable back catalogue of their music. Symbolically, the Maniacs music became the soundtrack of my early adulthood. A happy simple time. Where I knew less but thought much more.
But their music (and thus this CD) also brings me back to memories of the one person I knew who shared my enthusiasm for the Maniacs. And memories of that one memorable summer of 96/97. It seems so long ago.
I saw you again at the polling booth during the last federal election. It had been so long before that. We spoke briefly there and that was nice. You looked well. I was wearing a suit because I had just been to a wedding. I look pretty good in a suit, don’t I?
Back then we probably saw each other every day. Or at least during the important ones. I still remember that note you wrote. That was one of the two coolest things that any girl has ever said to me. Our times together were good times. It’s a pity we’ve become strangers.
Oh, make no mistake though. This is not to say that I hold any residual feelings. We both moved on a long time ago. My heart now resides elsewhere and have made several stops in between. And you are… well… married. This is purely an exercise in nostalgia. And any regrets I may have of how things panned out are more out of curiosity really.
You see, that’s it. I don’t quite know what I’m writing about here but I guess I want to acknowledge the role you played in my life. You probably don’t think I ever appreciated you when you were around but you remain, and always will remain, one of the most important and influential people in my early adult life. I am who I am (for better or for worse), in part, because of you. That’s when the ball started rolling, so to speak. And the Maniacs played the soundtrack.
So now I sit on my desk, hardly the impressionable teenager that you knew. The fear is that I haven’t changed that much at all. The fear is that I’m still making the same mistakes as always. But for now I am happy. Not quite content. But happy.
That you probably won’t get to read any of this is hardly of consequence. But perhaps I should drop you a line sometime. Just to say hi. And for nostalgia’s sake, I hope you have Natalie singing in the background when I do.
Earlier this morning a suspicious man was seen on level 3. He is described as follows:
Scary looking skinny dude with checked shirt and tight blackish jeans smelling of alcohol and ciggies.
If you see this individual, please notify either myself on #XXXX or the Building Manager, Pat Averageperson, on XXXX XXXX.
Regards,
Mr Blah Blah
Last week I went to HMV and bought Campfire Songs – the best of 10,000 Maniacs. $10 on the bargain table next to Mark Holden’s greatest hits.
The Maniacs were a band that I first got into during late high school. I say ‘were’ because, although the band exists today in some form, they died around the same I first discovered them. They’re alive today in name only. Like how Lassie is alive today but is in no way the same lovable pooch that starred in those black and white films all those decades ago. (Incidently, some of the dogs who played Lassie in later films were actually male – and not bitches- and so the name ‘Laddie’ may have been more appropriate. But I’m off the topic now.)
To me, the Maniacs died when their heart and soul (singer/songwriter Natalie Merchant) left the band to pursue a solo career. The rest of the band re-formed and got a new lead singer. But it just wasn’t the same. The song that got to me was their farewell single – a cover of Bruce Springteen’s ‘Because the night’. I first heard it on a trip to America in the mid-90s. (The trip was also where I bought my first – and last- pair of Reebok Pumps at a store called ‘Shoe City’ in Anaheim. But I really should stop getting distracted here.)
The song got to me. Her voice got to me. And soon after I started collecting a reasonable back catalogue of their music. Symbolically, the Maniacs music became the soundtrack of my early adulthood. A happy simple time. Where I knew less but thought much more.
But their music (and thus this CD) also brings me back to memories of the one person I knew who shared my enthusiasm for the Maniacs. And memories of that one memorable summer of 96/97. It seems so long ago.
I saw you again at the polling booth during the last federal election. It had been so long before that. We spoke briefly there and that was nice. You looked well. I was wearing a suit because I had just been to a wedding. I look pretty good in a suit, don’t I?
Back then we probably saw each other every day. Or at least during the important ones. I still remember that note you wrote. That was one of the two coolest things that any girl has ever said to me. Our times together were good times. It’s a pity we’ve become strangers.
Oh, make no mistake though. This is not to say that I hold any residual feelings. We both moved on a long time ago. My heart now resides elsewhere and have made several stops in between. And you are… well… married. This is purely an exercise in nostalgia. And any regrets I may have of how things panned out are more out of curiosity really.
You see, that’s it. I don’t quite know what I’m writing about here but I guess I want to acknowledge the role you played in my life. You probably don’t think I ever appreciated you when you were around but you remain, and always will remain, one of the most important and influential people in my early adult life. I am who I am (for better or for worse), in part, because of you. That’s when the ball started rolling, so to speak. And the Maniacs played the soundtrack.
So now I sit on my desk, hardly the impressionable teenager that you knew. The fear is that I haven’t changed that much at all. The fear is that I’m still making the same mistakes as always. But for now I am happy. Not quite content. But happy.
That you probably won’t get to read any of this is hardly of consequence. But perhaps I should drop you a line sometime. Just to say hi. And for nostalgia’s sake, I hope you have Natalie singing in the background when I do.
Sunday, December 19, 2004
10 albums you may not have but should... just cos I said so
I really have nothing to blog about.
I'm sorry.
But for my own enjoyment, and because I'm watching Rage at the moment, here are the top 10 albums that I think have had the most influence on me.
In no particular order:
1. Melissa Etheridge - Self titled
The rest of her albums are pretty much more of the same. But this one is special. There's a lot of anger and angst in the material and the result is both destructive and beautiful.
2. Ryan Adams - Love is Hell
If you listen to this and not feel a thing, then you don't have a soul. Turn the lights off, the volume up and go nuts.
3. Fiona Apple - When the pawn...
Besides holding the distinction of having the longest album title in known history (it's actually a whole poem), When the pawn..., to me, is a realisation of what she started with her first album, Tidal. Eclectic and fiercely original.
4. del Amitri - Change everything
Their self-description as 'esoteric pop' is wonderfully apt. Lots of songs about heartbreak, rain or both.
5. 10,000 maniacs - MTV unplugged
The best live album I've ever heard. By anyone. This was Natalie Merchant's last album before she went solo and became boring.
6. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
The odd album of the bunch. First time I heard it, I was appalled and loving it at the same time.
7. Oasis - What the story [morning glory]
I always marvel at how consistent this album is without ever sounding boring. To me, this is like a distillation of pure rock and roll.
8. Counting Crows - August and eveything after
This is probably the album that first got me hooked to the whole Americana music scene. Mr Jones is my favouritest song ever.
9. Jason Mraz - Waiting for my rocket to come
This didn't leave my CD stacker for a whole year. To me, he's the best vocalist and lyricist among the guitar pop crowd.
10. Ben Lee - Breathing tornadoes
This was the soundtrack of my uni years. It just stuck. And I'm not sure why.
I really have nothing to blog about.
I'm sorry.
But for my own enjoyment, and because I'm watching Rage at the moment, here are the top 10 albums that I think have had the most influence on me.
In no particular order:
1. Melissa Etheridge - Self titled
The rest of her albums are pretty much more of the same. But this one is special. There's a lot of anger and angst in the material and the result is both destructive and beautiful.
2. Ryan Adams - Love is Hell
If you listen to this and not feel a thing, then you don't have a soul. Turn the lights off, the volume up and go nuts.
3. Fiona Apple - When the pawn...
Besides holding the distinction of having the longest album title in known history (it's actually a whole poem), When the pawn..., to me, is a realisation of what she started with her first album, Tidal. Eclectic and fiercely original.
4. del Amitri - Change everything
Their self-description as 'esoteric pop' is wonderfully apt. Lots of songs about heartbreak, rain or both.
5. 10,000 maniacs - MTV unplugged
The best live album I've ever heard. By anyone. This was Natalie Merchant's last album before she went solo and became boring.
6. Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
The odd album of the bunch. First time I heard it, I was appalled and loving it at the same time.
7. Oasis - What the story [morning glory]
I always marvel at how consistent this album is without ever sounding boring. To me, this is like a distillation of pure rock and roll.
8. Counting Crows - August and eveything after
This is probably the album that first got me hooked to the whole Americana music scene. Mr Jones is my favouritest song ever.
9. Jason Mraz - Waiting for my rocket to come
This didn't leave my CD stacker for a whole year. To me, he's the best vocalist and lyricist among the guitar pop crowd.
10. Ben Lee - Breathing tornadoes
This was the soundtrack of my uni years. It just stuck. And I'm not sure why.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
3x7
__________
Signs my life is going good
1. I found new work.
2. I keep bumping into old high school friends. And I do mean ‘friends’. Not just people I went to school with who pretend to like me because we share a circumstantial bond.
3. I lose $80 and I’m not all that upset.
4. I go drinking and dancing and I have a great time despite it not being my own birthday party.
5. There are good TV shows and movies on again. Joan of Arcadia is the type of show I wish I had written. Garden State is a movie I wish I had written. I wish I had written a lot of things.
6. Buffy DVDs are ridiculously cheap.
7. The Happy Cup girl is back.
__________
Things I found while I was cleaning out my desk at Science Press
1. Two packets of SunSilk shampoo samples.
2. An invite to a 21st birthday party. That person is now 25 going on 26.
3. Two empty cans of Slim Fast.
4. One half-full can of Slim fast.
5. Sixty-seven CDs.
6. An envelope full of slides that we should have sent back to the picture library three years ago.
7. Six or seven hand drawings of baboons in various poses.
__________
Things about my first day at my new job
1. My pass photo looks like one of those shots of Iraqi prisoners who claim that they haven’t been beaten up by their captors
2. The toilet smells like Fanta.
3. There’s a hell of a lot of women on my floor. Most of whom have sons.
4. Macintosh computers are stupid. A one-button mouse is even stupider.
5. I think I will like my job.
6. I bump into someone I know on the way back from lunch.
7. Easyway girls just don’t measure up to a Happy Cup girl.
__________
Signs my life is going good
1. I found new work.
2. I keep bumping into old high school friends. And I do mean ‘friends’. Not just people I went to school with who pretend to like me because we share a circumstantial bond.
3. I lose $80 and I’m not all that upset.
4. I go drinking and dancing and I have a great time despite it not being my own birthday party.
5. There are good TV shows and movies on again. Joan of Arcadia is the type of show I wish I had written. Garden State is a movie I wish I had written. I wish I had written a lot of things.
6. Buffy DVDs are ridiculously cheap.
7. The Happy Cup girl is back.
__________
Things I found while I was cleaning out my desk at Science Press
1. Two packets of SunSilk shampoo samples.
2. An invite to a 21st birthday party. That person is now 25 going on 26.
3. Two empty cans of Slim Fast.
4. One half-full can of Slim fast.
5. Sixty-seven CDs.
6. An envelope full of slides that we should have sent back to the picture library three years ago.
7. Six or seven hand drawings of baboons in various poses.
__________
Things about my first day at my new job
1. My pass photo looks like one of those shots of Iraqi prisoners who claim that they haven’t been beaten up by their captors
2. The toilet smells like Fanta.
3. There’s a hell of a lot of women on my floor. Most of whom have sons.
4. Macintosh computers are stupid. A one-button mouse is even stupider.
5. I think I will like my job.
6. I bump into someone I know on the way back from lunch.
7. Easyway girls just don’t measure up to a Happy Cup girl.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Me and Destiny Man were sitting down having a drink and talking about things like old friends do. Except he’s not an old friend. Just a figment of Myle’s imagination that has somehow filtered into mine. We’ve agreed that he does not look like a guy with spiky hair in a headband. But beyond that, there’s not much else to say.
‘So,’ he says. ‘Last day eh?’
No, it’s tomorrow.
‘I see.’
You’ll never guess who’s going to be replacing me once I’m gone.
‘Really now?’
Oh that’s right. I forgot. Of course you can.
It’s hard having a conversation with know-it-all. It’s even harder when he actually does know all. But the truth is, I never had this conversation. It’s made up. I don’t really have conversations with imaginary characters. I just use them as devices in my writing. To set a mood. A tone. Maybe just to make things a little more interesting. Because I’m a wanker.
So anyway, I was walking past my boss’ office yesterday, which at the time was closed because he was interviewing someone who had been suggested for my soon-to-be-replaced position by my work colleague.
So he calls me through the glass and I open the door to his office and he’s saying I believe you two know each other.
And in one of those ‘ohmigod’ moments, it turns out to be Matthew freakin’ Keany. An old high school pal. Bloody hell. What are the chances. And to top it of, his wife also happens to be a high school friend of the boss’ son’s wife.
Chance and coincidence? Or Destiny Man?
We started off in high school doing FRED, the school newspaper. We also both drew comics. He still draws now. I’ve now stopped. So now, eight years down the track, he’s taking over my spot.
He says ‘well you’ve been here five years – there’s gotta be something to that.’
And I say ‘well yes um er yeah.’
‘So,’ he says. ‘Last day eh?’
No, it’s tomorrow.
‘I see.’
You’ll never guess who’s going to be replacing me once I’m gone.
‘Really now?’
Oh that’s right. I forgot. Of course you can.
It’s hard having a conversation with know-it-all. It’s even harder when he actually does know all. But the truth is, I never had this conversation. It’s made up. I don’t really have conversations with imaginary characters. I just use them as devices in my writing. To set a mood. A tone. Maybe just to make things a little more interesting. Because I’m a wanker.
So anyway, I was walking past my boss’ office yesterday, which at the time was closed because he was interviewing someone who had been suggested for my soon-to-be-replaced position by my work colleague.
So he calls me through the glass and I open the door to his office and he’s saying I believe you two know each other.
And in one of those ‘ohmigod’ moments, it turns out to be Matthew freakin’ Keany. An old high school pal. Bloody hell. What are the chances. And to top it of, his wife also happens to be a high school friend of the boss’ son’s wife.
Chance and coincidence? Or Destiny Man?
We started off in high school doing FRED, the school newspaper. We also both drew comics. He still draws now. I’ve now stopped. So now, eight years down the track, he’s taking over my spot.
He says ‘well you’ve been here five years – there’s gotta be something to that.’
And I say ‘well yes um er yeah.’
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