These are but tiny little sparks.
Let them breathe and they will grow.
Keep them in darkness and they will still shine.
But may they never be smothered or crushed or discarded.
May they never grow old and tired and stale.
May they never be ignored.
May they never be forgotten.
May they never die.

like his role in Monster's Ball where he died early. He was brilliant. A standout in that film, and then his character was snuffed. Suddenly. Unceremoniously. And it made a hole and left me, as the audience, wanting. Yeah I'm pretty bummed about Heath Ledger's death. I mean, not that I'm I'm crying or anything but I do feel it. He was young and he was very very talented. At 28, I dare you to name five other male actors of his generation who are more accomplished than he was. I don't think I could even name one. Imagine the amount of great films he could have amazed us with before he reached, say, Johnny Depp's age. The potential was massive. I'm not sure everyone understands that.

I've been asked 'what's the difference between his death and some guy off the street?' And yeah, probably in the cosmic scheme of things there is no difference. But the difference to me is that while he was alive, he entertained me. He inspired, excited and moved me.

My view of artists (whether they be actors, musicians, painters, writers or whatever) is that they entertain us. They make us feel things. And I don't care if they get paid millions (maybe because I would love to be one myself). They make my world better.

So I have to say that I'm sad to him go. He stil had a whole second act to do.

that work is normal again. I'm on top of things there. At least for a while. There's a To-Do list in my head that I feel I should complete. Some of the items are quite easy and others aren't. And maybe not all of them REALLY need to get done.

Writing more is one of them. But I am having a problem of not really caring. About anything. I just feel like having fun for a while.

I just watched Little Miss Sunshine and I liked it but I think it's really brought my mood down. I know it's a comedy but it's also absolutely brutal. So now I don't know what to write because I'm now distracted. I need to watch something lighter. Maybe Reaper.

You know how sometimes you open a jumbo packet of chips and it tastes good but you know that if you finish the whole pack you're gonna feel pretty miserable by the end of it? It's now I'm feeling now. Except I'm beating around the bush. I really need to stop

so was walking after work around the city. I went to the comic store like I do every Thursday (which is shipment day), but this time I went on. Wondering the city made me feel a little Holden Caulfield, except without the fascination with death. Actually I can’t really remember how much death was involved with the book but I just remember that it made me depressed to read it and I didn’t like it as much as many other people do. It didn’t help that I borrowed it from a friend of mine who was chronically melancholic. And he always said that it was his favourite book.

I don’t think I’ve ever really contemplated suicide, but if I did, well today wasn’t it. I’m not overjoyous happy, but I believe that I am in a good place and I have been for a while. It’s probably why I haven’t written anything. So the walk was a little aimless and I may have been a little restless. It may have had something to do with the eggs at home that were going to expire tonight. And I was sort dreading having to think about what to do with them. (In the end it all worked out fine. I’m not totally sure what a frittata is but I believe that what I made tonight is probably pretty close.)

Maybe it was because my apartment had more than a few empty bottles (emptied by multiple people, mind you. I haven’t been binge drinking at home!) lying around and it was looking messy for the first time. I’m always afraid of times when everything goes downhill. Like, well this could be the day that I stop caring and I’ll get messy again.

Maybe it was that I had planned to see a movie tonight with a friend who never ended up replying to my email. Not that it upset me, because truth be told I am tired tonight and would rather be at home. But it’s this habit of mine. I make plans to go see people and it’s like I already have it in my head that it’s going to happen before they even tell me whether they can make it or not. So when they can’t make it, it’s a big disappointed. On my more elaborate plans, I even have conversation topics prepared.

But no matter. I was just walking around.

I have a crush (and I believe ‘crush’ is the appropriate term to use in this case) on this girl who, as far as I know, I cannot have. And I was thinking about her as I walked into the bookstore. While I did momentarily get distracted by a plastic slip case adorned with the image of Batman on the cover of Detective Comics #27, I was mostly thinking about her. And then, as I went to the front counter to purchase the distraction, I bumped into one of her friends, which is interesting because I only met her last week (the friend, not the girl) but not really all that interesting because this friend did tell me when I met her that she worked at this bookstore. But to be fair to me, I really had forgotten. And to be fair to the coincidence, she wasn’t working tonight.

I realised that both these girls are sort of similar. They both have this charming awkwardness about them. It makes me a little awkward too. It’s like characters from the Gilmore Girls or something (which is one of her favourite shows) where everyone talks fast in order to fill the awkward silences and to make themselves sound as smart and hip and cool as they can be.

I also now realise that if she were to read this blog entry, then she would realise that it is her that I am talking about here. She’s pretty cluey like that. And also because I will write an email to her tomorrow and tell her that I bumped into her friend at the bookstore. But I doubt it, really. The only way I see that she would read this is if she specifically googled me and found my blog. And her doing so would imply that maybe my chances with her aren’t as bad as I think, in which case I wouldn’t mind her reading it. At the very least this would make her blush. A little. I’ll just have to remember never to mention to her that I have a blog when I’m drunk. Like the time I mentioned to my work colleague that I just went for a job interview that week. That was a good one.

The chance encounter with the friend wasn’t particularly exciting, but it sort of was if you know what I mean. And then after

Nothing much to report

I haven't touched blogs for ages. I have written or read any in a while, and I'm not sure that anyone still reads it except for Joeii. God bless her.

So, since the conjuctivitis, it's been fun fun fun. First there were the nose bleeds. In a period of three days, I had five nose bleeds (though I think they all stemmed from the first), which may not sound that amazing except that I've never had a nose bleed in my life. In the words of Comic Book Guy: 'First. Nosebleed. Ever.'

What else, after that there was the parking fine. Only my second ever. I guess I deserved it. Oh yeah, the Simpsons movie. That was good. So good that the next day I went out and bought two Simpsons boxsets. And Fracture. I saw that too. Not too bad. Ryan Gosling (besides being one of the luckiest guys in the world for dating Rachel McAdams) is looking like a yound Edward Norton. I love him already. He's with Christian Bale and Cillian Murphy in my short list of up-and-coming young(ish) male actors. No, I didn't leave Ryan Phillippe and Freddy Prinze off by accident.

Shortly after that, I ate the sushi of death. Well, that may be pushing it. But I did bite my lip, causing a massive ulcer, and also a piece of my tooth fell out. That led me to panicking and asking around for the nearest dentist. So I found one at Lemon Grove and I got an X-ray (actually three) and the destist tells me I need root canal treatment. So it's hello Dr Nick (no, that's not his real name) six more times and goodbye $3.5K. Excellent. I'm supposed to be planning my move out and my China holiday. At least the nurse is kinda cute. I'm 45% certain they're having an affair.

Here is a quick rundown of my dental visits so far:

1. Expected worst, but it wasn't too bad. Rating: 4/5 stars.

2. Got cocky. 'Meh, this dentist stuff is nothing.' WRONG. It's painful. Uncomfortable. And painful. If I had a choice, I would may have picked swallowing half a piece of Lego. But since I didn't get that choice. We'll never know. Rating: 1/5 stars.

3. I got some posts put in. I got no idea what that means. Rating: 3.5/5 stars.

4. Deep cleaning. Didn't feel a thing. Until I rinsed my mouth and dribbled blood and water because I couldn't feel my chin. Rating: 2/5 stars.

5. Got my dental imprint done. Because I have permanently restricted nasal passages (a lovely story for another day), I could feel myself losing consciousness due to a severe lack of oxygen. Now I have a temporary crown that feels like a tic tac, but doesn't taste as good and doesn't come with Kate Kelton. rating: 3/5

My sixth is next Monday.

OK, so on to last week. My friends Jo and Tony get married. But the day before that, I decide to have a couple of drinks with my workmate who was leaving. I figured two drinks and I'll be home with a pizza in my mouth by 9:30. WRONG. Change of plans. Another friend emails me and says she needs a drink desperately. And Leon is there. And more blonde babes than any drinks I've been to since Sweden. And I end up staying til 1:30. Home by 3:30. Next day, wake up for the tea ceremony by 7:30. (Oh yeah, as an aside, my friends were at Privilege bar that night. Yes, the infamous Asian den of cheap drinks and RnB. I went there the week before. I bumped into about 7 groups of people that I know, all of whom claimed that they never go there, except for Dung who said 'I'm ever every week. If you don't find me here, it means I'm sick' or words to that effect. I had an alright time but going there is a bit like watching porn. It's fun while you're there but you come out feeling seedy and a little sticky. Well that's what people who watch porn tell me it feels like. So last week, I refused to go back there and, all in all, Ithink made the right decision.) So yeah, the wedding. 7:30 start. Suit OK. Shoes a little grimy but doable. All I have is ankle socks. Fine, no one will notice. I have a hangover so I take some Panadol. i survive. Wedding is fun. Hanging out with Chune is fun and like nothing had changed at all (as a second aside, speaking of nothing changing, I had dinner with a couple I hadn't seen in ages. Me and another friend came late to dinner and we got scraps. Leftovers. Really. I had two pieces of tofu and the second last piece of pancake. We thought this was fine since we would have our proper dinner later. When it came time to pay the bill, BAM, the couple does an even split. $15 for scraps. Whatever. All I'm saying is, some things just NEVER change.) OK so the wedding, actually not much to tell. But it was fun. Maybe I was too tired to enjoy it to the most. But they're a lovely couple. I love couples that look like 'We're in love and we want to tell the world'. Not ones who look like 'I'm almost 30, I need to get married.' or 'God would like us to get married and have children, and besides, we can't stand not having sex with each other for much longer.' So yeah, best of luck to them. (Third aside, met a girl who's half Indo Chinese and is also a Kwee/Kueh/Kwok [however you want to spell it]. We MAY be related. Doubt it. Well, she's my Facebook friend now.) So that was that weekend.

Last week, we almost lost a basketball game in the last 3 minutes while I was sitting down. And then I came back on to save the day. At least that's how I imagined it happened in my head. In reality, coincidence may have played an equally important role in the result.

Wednesday, was meant to have dinner with the Chickens: Trevor and Mark. I had made a CD or sampled recordings and everything. This was the cover.

But a late call made me cancel. Instead I had tickets to see Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf at Belvoir. Now, I know I often go on about things I love, but trust me, this is one of the best stage productions you will EVER see. For me, it was the best play I've ever seen. And I've seen quite a few. Everything was just perfect. the actors, the set, the music. And I love Catherine McClements. She's still hot at 42. It was explosive, thrilling, creepy and downright sexy. It's times like these that I realise why I love drama theatre. Because there's so much crap out there see it's hard to remember. No movie experience could touch this. This will stick in my head for years to come. And because it's not a movie, I hate that I can't revisit this like on a DVD. I can't wait for holographic projection technology.

Next night is Ryan Adams. I knew forecast so seeing him play in near darkness wasn't too big a surprise. It was alright. He's an arsehole but I knew that too. Thing with Ryan is, since I got into his music 7 or 8 years ago, i've heard so many other singer/songwriters and bands and whatever, and to me, no one comes close. Ryan could get me edgy, thrilled, excited, emotional all in the one song. When I first heard him live, he came on stage looking uneasy and almost scared. But when he opened his mouth, it was downright angellic and not only I did i feel that, I felt the entire audience felt that. I felt that collective moment when everyone in the building held their breaths and it was almost like time froze. There was no cheering or chatter. It was mesmerising. If you don't believe me, then you just weren't there. Granted, there were no moments like this during this concert but it's him. I can forgive him for just about anything, unless he commits mass homicide somewhere. Even on CD, this guy's got a gift. Yes, all in all this concert was a disappointment, but I think that's because no critic of his (including myself) has ever held him to a reasonable bar. There are much better performers out there but Ryan Adams is Ryan Adams. Maybe if I had seen Dylan in person in the 60s, Ryan would be a pale afterthought, but I'll never quite know that. And in my generation, no one I've heard can even hold a candle to him. (Sincere apologies to my other 'hero', Jack White. I'll write about him in detail at some point. Promise.)

So that was that. But the night was tainted by the fact that my car got broken into in Enmore. Nothing was stolen except about $6 worth of coins and the triagular bit of the rear passenger side door was the only thing broken. I hate petty criminals. Like the person who broke into my apartment a few years ago. Why can't they just get normal jobs like the rest of us? I really wish there were vigilantes out there that just went around beating up thieves and bulglars. The world needs superheroes! Right now, I really wish I could beat up that person who broke into my car. And yes, I know it's not a Catholic thing to do.

Well, then friday, went to dentist, and then hung out with the usual gang for a bit. And saturday had out first practice in five weeks. We sounded pretty rusty but it felt great to get back into it. We really need to keep this momentum up. We got eight songs now. Sort of.

Finally, just a little thing (bigger than an aside perhaps). Throughout the years I've had this habit of hanging out with girls who have boyfriends and then eventually the boyfriends end up hating me. I find this really annoying because to this day, I've never done anything bad in any of these cases. So it's almost like I'm paying the time but not having done the crime. A couple of them have turned out pretty ugly. Now it might be happening again soon if the pattern keeps going. I've been hanging out with a friend of mine who does indeed have a boyfriend. In the past week, I've seen her three times one on one. And I would hate for it to ever get ugly in any way because I really have been enjoying hanging out with her. For now he doesn't hate me (I actually think he's a rather pleasant fellow) and maybe it won't come to that unless their relation gets rocky (no signs of that at the moment) but it's not like it's my fault. She asks to hang out with me as much as I ask her. And I've never said not to bring him along. He just never ends up coming. Yes, I do realise that it will only get harder since I'm older now. And the fact that I think she's really hot... maybe I should have mentioned that from the start.

Adventures in Conjunctivitisland

I probably should have gone home on Friday but I persisted with the trivia night even though my eyes were already bloodshot by then and excreting a sticky substance that looked like a cross between pus and snot.

On Saturday morning I woke up and had to peel the green crust that had locked my eyes shut tight. And my left eyelid was swollen and the redness was getting out of hand. In the words of Casey Jones from the original TMNT movie, 'I look like I just called Mike Tyson a sissy'.

Since then, I've been to the doctor, tried four types of eye drops and finally it's coming around. I've been home doing very little now for four days.

Back to work tomorrow.

The fun never stops.

Federer is really really good

I like Federer. I think he's the most likeable sporting superstar of my generation (and by superstar, I'm talking upper upper echelon once-in-every-20-years-type stars). Michael Jordan was too relentless, Tiger Woods plays too boring a sport, Michael Schumacher still is a dickhead and Ian Thorpe sells pearls.

Last night, Federer beat Nadal in a very tough 5-setter to win Wimbledon for the 5th time, equaling Bjorn Borg's record. If you care at all about tennis, then you've already heard this today a million times. But what was so great about last night was that it was by far the most difficult win of his career. I've witnessed at least half of Federer's grand slam victories and he's never looked so vulnerable. In fact, I think it's fair to say that Nadal was in fact the better player on the day (or at least the most consistent). Federer had a lot of trouble containing him.

But what was so impressive and memorable was that Federer had this turbo boost button that he managed to turn on everytime he needed it. In basketball terms, he was clutch.

Nadal had so much more momentum going into the 5th but Roger just willed his way to the championship.

By the end, I don't know how he managed to pull that off. But he did. Like an absolute true champion.

I don't know what Roger Federer's legacy will be. If he ends up winning 15+ slams then his legacy is cemented, but even if he doesn't win any more from now, he should still be in the argument for the greatest ever.

OK, I was gonna write more but I just realised that the Ryan Adams tickets I bought were standing BEHIND the seats because they've reconfigured the theatre for this show. I almost threw up a little in my mouth.