Lynching like it's Salem 1692

It's like this.

BloggerA writes a very short comedic piece about losing her sunnies in a dept store and then buying some plates or something. And she names it after a James Blunt song.

Not long after, BloggerB also writes a very short comedic piece about losing something, except this time it's about an IPod, I think.

You know, it's that whole 'I can't live without something frivolous and superficial, so much so that I treat it like a real live loved one' thing that makes you sound hip. Whatever.

Oh yeah, and BloggerB also named it after the same James Blunt song. (Gotta love a sad-eyed crooner with a Castrati voice.)

So then BloggerA's next entry does everything but name BloggerB and publicly crucifies her (oops, did I just reveal her gender...) for plagiarism. This is followed by some chest thumping bravado (along the lines of 'You're messing with the wrong biatch') and Meet-the-parents-style threats (something like 'I'm watching you', 'Do it again and I'll name you!' or 'I know when you shower' or something).

This of course attracts the attention of BloggerC, BloggerD, BloggerE and other assorted minions who all chime in with virtual torches and pitchforks and cry the likes of 'You go girl!' and 'She did not just mess with this biatch!!! She did not! No way!' and 'If you two fight, that evil heathen plagiarist slut wouldn't last three seconds!'. OK, I don't think they said 'slut'. That was just for emphasis. Sorry.

(Aside: At this point, I'm imagining BloggerA to be a 6'4" professional wrestler from the Republic of Georgia. But no. I think she's a regular Korean girl. But that's still close. Same hemisphere...)

BloggerB (under the guise of 'Anonymous' - I'm sure someone else has used that same moniker before - plagiarism! Hang the harlot!) replies with 'It's a parody. Drop it' and you can almost see her crying with distress in her words. If it had been a hand-written note, it would have been smudged with tears. This is followed with more of the above cries and some more threats by BloggerA's minions, as well as extrapolating musings (like 'Gee, she's plagiarising now. Maybe she's also a dog molester.' OK, now I think I'm making stuff up but you get the point, right? Right? Come on!)

Next up to stir the pot, BloggerC writes her own take on this alleged crime on artistic integrity, which of course attracts the attention of the same minions (including an appearance by BloggerA herself!) and they all pretty much say the same comments they said on BloggerA's entry and 'Anonymous' again produces the statement that it was a parody and could everyone please freakin' drop the freakin' matter! (I think her hand was steadier this time. Or maybe she was so distressed that she got someone else to write it for her.)

And... that's where we pretty much stand.

And so it's my turn to chime in, since I need to have a say in everything frivolous.

OK, here it is.

Get ready...

YOU'RE ALL LOSERS!

There I said it. [insert smiley face with tongue sticking out and winking eye]

What is the big deal? Why the lynching?

Sure she plagiarised. Of course she did. And no, she has no idea what a parody is. But so what? No one is profiting from anything on any of your blogs. BloggerB certainly hasn't won any fans for her version (if number of comments is anything to go by). If anything, BloggerC made a good point. 'Why would anyone want to plagiarise a blog?' That's almost like going to the toilet and stealing someone else's dump and putting it in your own toilet bowl to make it look like yours.

But here's something that both BloggerA and BloggerC forgot to do. Ask her why.

What good is the bravado? What good are the threats?

This one is an absolute doosey...

We're watching you chick. Taking my web link off of your blog list doesn't change that. You know who you are, I know who are are, we have buckets of mutual friends and we've met once or twice so let's stop here before it gets awkward.

Before it gets awkward? Holy crap, that warning itself was one of the most awkward cringeworthy moments of my blogging career.

I really hate how so many bloggers are so self-righteous about stuff like this. Get over yourselves. This medium is the plankton excrement of literature. Who cares if someone copies you for absolutely no discernable form of personal gain? Just ignore them. Or look down on them or if you're curious (as I am), ask them why.

And on the other side of this very blunt coin ('blunt' geddit? geddit?), BloggerB, why can't you just acknowledge, apologise and be done with it? Claiming it's a parady is ridiculous. Farcical even! It's almost as bad a crime against the English language as Alanis' Ironic. Almost.

Isn't it a parody?
Don't you think?
A little too paro..er..dic
Yeah, I really do think.
It's like copying
Someone else' blog
It's a .... etc.

Man, I'm all worked up about this now.

So much so that I will bring up something that I wasn't going to. Upon reading these blogs, I remembered something I wrote in my archives back in 2004. Here it is.

Goodnight my cover, goodnight my friend

I can only bring myself to blog about this now, thirteen days after the cataclysmic event that shook my life into a buzzy flubbering gas. Breaking up is not un-hard to do. I want to lock myself in a wardrobe and listen to Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy breaky heart" on repeat, in slow motion, in reverse (it actually says 'Satan is my homeboy' if you do this), in karaoke style. Anything to elongate my past thoughts of you and of being with you. It feels like our trip ended before it started. I really miss you already. Word. I regret the terrible blogs I ever wrote on you and did to you. Why was I singing careless whisper, so cavalier about your level of wellness? The not-best thing is, I can't even isolate our break to a scientifically precise certainty. I only know that you pissed off there in Myer, like a brunted gullet, and I tried to comb over you, place you down. I was scared, afraid of what others would think of my lunatic-like behaviour but I was really wanting to find you and tell you how much I needed you in my life. After a long time, I was faced with no choice but to give up. It was time for you to leave. Rest in peace full head of hair. Hello receding hairline!

Posted by xtn on 29 February 2004, 2.34am

Compare for yourself. What do you think? Coincidence? I think not!

Oh, don't know where the original is? Um... I was gonna keep this anonymous... but... what the hell...

Here you go. Follow the links and have fun with it.

I know I did! [insert smiley face with... um... a big smile?]